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Sometimes when I run out I think “what else do you want from me? I’m Empty. Nothing left for you to take.” Then the better half of my mind insists that there is this infinite grace to tap on. Not to sound calloused or annoying but which idiot made it sound so simplistic?

The idea certainly is simple. Execution of it is not as straightforward, there is just so much flesh in the way. “then get it out of the way la!” you say? I guess everyone has their own demons, only people who have no love and understanding say this kinda things. I know, because I say it all the time.

Sigh. I want a break.

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Had poor sleep these 2 days due to work at odd hours (3-5am) and all that for money. With all this money I might be tempted to think that stuff I buy is really mine. Money I give is well.. above and beyond the norm which is hoarding supplies. While in earthly terms that is in fact true and we enjoy the fruits of our labour I think we sometimes just get lost in all the stuff we accumulate. For Christians, I’d like to propose that the stuff we buy is not ours.

1. Our lives are given, our eternities are bought with a price. That makes us wholly and solely owned by God.
2. We spend our life which is our time, earning money which we then spend on stuff.
3. Stuff is really bought with our life.
4. Therefore stuff is really God’s since it was bought with the life he gave to us.

It really doesn’t matter who gets what I guess.. we’ll never know what his specific will is in this life but we do know we need to  glorify him in this body since we were bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). As long as that happens (which it hasn’t) you can be assured God would be pleased because his hidden will doesn’t go against his revealed will and he cannot deny himself regarding what he has said and promised.

Putting whoever is really right aside (since everyone thinks they are right, this speaks to all..), being right is no license to being barbaric with the hammer of truth. I’ve learned that time and again when dealing with people and being a sore winner doesn’t show love. I just wished everyone would act their age and stop fighting over their toys.

Off to bed I go! Hopefully get some good sleep. Bought a wireless mic today and realised how expensive they really were.. lol..

After last friday’s talk with a colleague it left me in a daze of discouraging thoughts and introspection. I know the average person doesn’t respond to logic and that they respond more to love.

Communicating that concern and love is not easy for me sometimes and most times I pound someone with logic and forget to leave some space to communicate concern or fail to have already communicated it through daily living. This is applying the truth in love.

I was pretty encouraged today that we happened to leave work together again today and I was already wondering if he would try to avoid me even after I told him I was sorry in the morning. He didn’t! In fact after a bus ride to the mrt he brought up the unpleasant conversation and told me the same topic came up in cell group and the spirit worked in him to make some resolutions.

Haha.. So that it all turned out nicely is quite a blessing to me. I hope that if you feel like you messed up and did a stupid, remember God still uses broken things. If you realize your error, break your will and pride, God can and will most certainly use the mess you made for his glory.

Slept at 12, got up at 4 to pic my mom and dad from airport, couldn’t go back to sleep for quite a while but managed to lie down until 8. Haha.. Suprisingly don’t feel too bad. On the mrt after visiting a client or a couple of minutes. I still thank God for work and stuff that comes along. Got 2 queries about photography that I couldn’t follow up on but I’m sure it’s okay.

Last thought is that His grace is always sufficient and I only start to flounder when I’m not plugged into it. Have a great Monday! It’s not O.S.I.M, always just TGI Mondays that enable you to enjoy TGI Fridays.

The Post actually ended with the following:

Today was good.. the 2 ah-yees and groom’s sister were pretty great! We saw lotsa action in the morning and did tea ceremony thing 3478392 times then everything else was a super big blur then we were in church then super big blur then it was dinner then super big blur I took 1000000 photos of people leaving then I went home and typed this. Haha.. no seriously, I can’t remember anything form today already because its already happened 200 times before for me already. I’m just waiting for photos to import because I stupidly decided to give a RAW workflow one more try.

Anyway I’m pretty happy for the couple.. I sometimes ask myself why people fall in love and get married.. and I never get a specified answer. It just seems like the same formula each time which is pretty nice: a partnership of two people who love their spouse more than themselves. I’d actually love to see more people do that.. and to learn and teach people how they can do that too would be so cool.. but as I always say in office “I just a technician..” haha.. maybe one day I’ll find myself doing that.. babysitting relationships instead of servers.

The Post actually started with the following:

I can’t remember how many weddings I’ve photographed. It not because it’s so many I can’t remember.. its probably because I’ve helped out in so many weddings it doesn’t even seem any different whichever role I play. Every role ends the same.. busy, tired and mostly a blur. To add to the already bizarre idea of doing it expecting nothing, I help people who will almost certainly never be free enough in future to ever help me out when I need some myself.

C’mon, these guys and girls are all gonna be so busy with their lives that they can’t really do much for you in future. I guess in the end everything is paid forward in advance by the next generation and the losers are those who help out most. That said, the losers who help out most are still the biggest winners somehow with some intangible satisfaction gained at the end of the day, knowing the time and energy spent was an act of love towards the couple on our part in a very tangible form of music, ushering, chairing, ah-yee-ing, driving, co-ordinating, catering, flower-arranging, make-up-ing, bestman&maid-of-honour-ing and solemnizing.

Haha.. I sound so cynical but I really do hope somehow people actually do step up when I need them next time. I think this stems from my you-can’t-trust-anyone-except-yourself-to-do-stuff mentality and the occasional total domination approach to getting tasks done.

You often hear of girls imagining what their weddings will be like in gory detail. Let me tell you mine: if you secretly dug into my mind and saw my wedding fantasies you’d probably find one that my friends don’t need to do any work, my enemies don’t have to come (with friends like these who needs enemies! lol!), everyone goes mad, enjoys themselves and it costs roughly $0.

Heh, I’m really not a sour person or having regrets or what.. just.. wondering.

I haven’t been here in a long while! Just one picture from tonight of the gf in her new shoes

I got up at 5am today to do a database dump. I didn’t even take a dump myself until about 8pm just now!! haha.. sigh.. I’m thinking its cos my workplace is so far thats why I seem to be spending inordinate amounts of time at work. I only work 9-6, just like everyone else! but I leave and come back home at 740am and 8pm each day. Today I was going to leave work at 4 but I didn’t manage to. Haha.. had to run off to sim lim to buy stuff.. still, I managed to leave office at 5..

I should pick up the “Your work matters to God” book just to have a read. Anyone got a copy? haha..