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After 9 long years of T9 predictive text, I relinquish it for a virtual keyboard. Terrible feel, have to keep looking at what you’re doing and well, just doesn’t function like how I’m used to for all this time. The iPhone is just not so fantastic in that department. However its pretty good at a whole lot of additional things. Not to mention having gotten it basically free on the M1 take 3 plan its quite a good deal.

I was more interested in finding myself like how I felt after I picked up my 5D. I picked up something that was old (this is the 8gb 3G) but still wayy more functional and useful than I will ever need. Why get 16 or 32gb? is the 3Gs really faster? will I need a compass? Nike+? So after answering no to all the above, I guess it doesn’t bother me and thats why I think I’m getting older.. or maybe that’s the feeling you get when you buy something that you really just wanna use and don’t care about.

I think, however, I would feel different if i suddenly got myself an iPad or a 1D mk4. I think I might actually feel abit more happiness for a while. I wonder why that is so? And if both of the above cost $2 each, I wonder if i would still be happy or happier or would I not be interested? Is something unattainable or out of reach more desirable and satisfying? haha.. that’s a stupid worldly notion! But yet it has some kind of truth in real life. Perhaps this is why coveting and desiring something is super dangerous be it material, relational or something else.

The Question

I have found myself wondering this a couple of times the past few months. What does it usually indicate when a Christian starts to shrink away from others and try and isolate themselves purposefully, not to seek God or some other good reason like quieting down but just feels like shunning other people to be alone? Does it have something to do with their relationship with God?

The Symptoms

For me, it is accompanied by a loss of peace, lack of quiet moments with God and a total loss of interest in sharing the Gospel. Encouraging others goes out the window and so does the temper and patience. Grace suddenly vanishes from the vocabulary and is replaced with resentment in varying amounts. Some calm moments exist when I wonder about whats wrong with me but it quickly goes away and there is no time for conviction. Occasionally I squeeze out a kind face, some smiles and gentle words for people closer but still, nothing has really changed. Searching for answers is fruitless and frustrating and the difference between and genuine and non-genuine thoughts and feelings become less obvious. Service is something I wanna skip because I know I’m just wasting time serving in the flesh. In short I can safely say that in this state I have no fruit of the spirit, no love, no beattitudes. The flesh pwns.

Next up: The disease & The Cure.

Why not everything at once you say? I haven’t finished thinking everything out that’s why. Anyway, they are the best bits also so I might as well save it. Just wondering if anyone feels like this.. most specifically the feelings of hiding away. Its always nice to know you’re not alone if not anything else.

Days are still Good to me. I usually start at 10 then carry on from there. Today was no different. Snapped some pictures, then met YX for a short while. Probably head for dinner later together. I’m still searching for work, lets hope something turns up soon.

My day was quite good, as was yesterdays. Today I dropped by Sungei road and picked up 4 cameras. I actually would have  bought a couple more but I wasn’t willing to shell out so much cash at once. Camera repair is quite risky in the sense that you can buy a lemon and you’ve pretty much lost every cent you bought the camera for. Today was pretty good though, I already repaired and cleaned up one camera that will pay for the rest hopefully.

I’ve been thinking of how people thank God for the “good” things that happen to them. Sure, I scored 4 cameras today and can make a decent sum that lasts for 2 weeks to a month but is that “good” like in Genesis 1:10? Surely man and God agree on some things as being good, but I’m sure alot of things that are Good in God’s sight seem like torture to us. And of course stuff that is Good in our sight is really sometimes quite bad in God’s sight (Judges 17:6). Although there is nothing inherently sinful in material gain the love of material gain or almost anything else other than God is worldliness(1 John 2:15) and a possible further stretch, idolatry(Exodus 34:17).

On my last point, I wonder if is more accurate to say that worldliness is a form of idolatry. But idolatry in is literal form requires worship or a certain image or likeness. Now, we always say things like hobbies or people can become idols.. but that really isn’t true in the sense of the word unless a soccer fan sets up an alter with david beckham (or pele for that matter) as a likeness to be prayed to and bowed down to. I guess  strictly we really mean worldliness when we start to mis-prioritize and I guess it isn’t that big a deal that these 2 words lose its distinction. I guess its more like when people equate worldliness with having anything to do with the world. Which it does not make sense to conclude. Because the world wears trendy clothes, they drive cars, they have jobs, they engage in recreation, they acquire wealth. We are commanded not to love the world(1 John 2:15), not to purposely do the opposite of what everyone else.”oh if you wear this you are worldly” “if you listen to this music you are worldly” “If you watch this you are worldly”. We need no further definition of worldliness than “Loving something more than we love God”. Do you love anything more than you love your christian brother’s genuine sensitivities? if yes, then you are worldly.Do you have more energy to spend on some worldly secular activity? then yes, you are worldly. Because the spiritual man has no greater interest than in God himself and everything related to that end.

If you have a genuine clear conscience and have searched the scriptures with due diligence and are convinced in your own mind about something, forget the guy/gal who has been in church for 200 years and is still “stumbled” by your choice to dress a certain way or listen to certain things, he should move on and deal with it. But PLEASE, listen to the people who truly love you (you know who they are!) and not just those who say they do(1 john 3:18). If those who love you have something to say about the way you dress and what you listen to or watch you can be sure they really have your best interests at heart. You don’t necessarily have to follow their advice but at least you know it is from a true caring heart and not someone who’s just pushing their standards on you. Finally OBEY those who are in direct spiritual authority over you because well.. they watch over your souls and have to account for you and let them account with joy, not grief (Hebrews 13:17). That includes parents pastors and mentors. I believe it wouldn’t be far fetched to say the verse pre-assumes (yes, that’s where the word presume comes from) that whatever this spiritual authority is telling you is doctrine level truth from the bible which is indisputable, not matters of opinion.

So, what is good then? Haha.. I honestly still don’t know. For now I guess things that were explicitly stated as good or cause Godliness as an aftereffect can safely be said to be good and things inherently sinful and tempt to sin are bad. That’s such a general description. haha.. I’m glad we have intuition and don’t have to always work everything out logically in order to come to a conclusion. And there’s always the Holy Spirit to listen to anyway.. make sure you can hear him first though!

Going to climb mountain in 3 hours. hahaha.. sigh.. I’m tired but don’t feel like sleeping kind. Anyway I kinda looked through some old posts and seeing where I’ve been really helps me see where I am now. Its really quite interesting to have recorded down so much of my life in gory detail. The rants, the thoughts, the messages.. haha.. And it all started cos I wanted to use this camera tomorrow

and looked through some army photos.. then some posts.. then a few more.. haha.. in the end I read quite abit. ANYWAY.. here is a pic from the camera so many years ago.. I have yet to dig up the really epic one I like very much but this will do for now, a very (un)dramatic shot from out of some of my FOFO(fighting on fortified objective) training.

Goodnight one and all!

I stayed up all night for the first time in a long long while. Haha.. had a rather entertaining time actually and the following day was a reminder as to why I don’t do it anymore. I carried on to attend the airshow evacuation and emergency response exercise thing from 11-4 and my head nearly exploded by the time I reached home at 5pm. It was splitting headache kind so I slept all the way to 3, then all the way to 9:30.  I further cleaned up my room and made a “to sell” pile and tried to throw as much stuff as possible. My room is rather spacious if I minus everything inside it.. lol.. Oh well.. “Hannah came in and said “Kau fu.. I got no space to walk..” haha.. so that kinda describes the room now. I’m making enough room for a sofa that doesn’t exist or is available just yet. Hopefully a reading area I can make.

As a side note something that stuck from before camp is that I’m also reading much less google reader now and the stuff piling up (1000++) is a reminder as to how much stuff I used to read. hahaha.. I usually just click on the blogs I want to follow like this and then skip the rest. Time saving! heh.. now to carry on doing something with that time.