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Sin brings depression, anti-socialness, tiredness, false hope, temporary relief before the next crash, guilt, anger, presumptiousness, jealousy, pride, hate, prejudice, lies and other stuff to just name a few. Its no wonder everybody is perfect and hates to sin! haha.. yeah right. But honestly, we’re total idiots to fall into it time and again. Lets challenge each to reject sin like how moses refused to enjoy the temporary rewards of going with the flow in Hebrews 11:24-26 and keep each other accountable. Confess your sins to one another today! Keep each other accountable.

Anyway, today John Yates was talking about some scene from a christian movie. In it was a guy who had a dream of christ being crucified and he was an onlooker. And when he came near to pull the roman soldier away from nailing Jesus to the cross, the roman soldier turned around.. and he was looking at his own face. Yes, we all crucified and killed christ. It was so serious that the usual “yay we’re going home” just didn’t erupt from the fbi class. It gave me alot of thoughts.

On the topic of crucifiction, if you have a chance you should watch “the passion of the christ”. Although I’ve seen some gross inhumane things in my life.. shootings, hangings, executions, decapitations by a knife.. it wasn’t a clean chop, it was a sawing motion..  it was so sick and disturbed me so much I couldn’t eat in the same day. (just to clarify, i was made to watch.. and i didn’t even know what was coming. stupid air force ppl..) And all of that was on video only leh! Imagine seeing it live. I think I’d freak out so bad I’d vomit. After you’ve watched the passion, you won’t want to watch it again. At least I know I don’t want to.. And yet that is what Christ really endured for all of us personally. Sigh. The film doesn’t even come close to the real thing let alone the Jesus film so many years ago .

I think “the old old story”  has become old to me again! Pastor Mike said that if you really can just hear it and just.. “uh huh, ya loh.. he died for us” Its old to you! And if its old, your heart (and mine right now) needs revival very very badly.

he died for you he died for me

and shed his blod to make us free

upon the cross of calvary

the saviour died for you and me

Well, I’m praying that it will be able to move me to tears again when I hear it. I shall take a shower.. and rest.

Christ came on a donkey, not because the donkey is a lower or humbler/common animal or what. But Kings rode donkeys when they came in peace. Riding a horse would indicate a king going to war. Christ came on a donkey to proclaim himself as the king and messiah. The jews expected a superman who would wipe out the roman oppressors and (I think) concluded that he could not be the messiah.

Well, with the sale of the adjacent property and a few other things going on in church. Our church unity is really on the griller and Satan is working at our hot buttons. With the cantata coming on, I guess its not bad timing, but God’s timing. Tests that will make or break us. If we begin to point fingers and talk behind each others backs, we will very well not need the property as we will just dwindle in numbers and die away OR.. we will just have another church split over what? a silly property and differing opinions on how to acquire our bigger space? Well, doesn’t seem worth it.

One other thing about grace I learned today.. that after I commented about whether you’ve prayed for someone about something that you feel is wrong in his life before saying that person, I think I’ve really missed that out in so many of my judgements. In particular about things that disqualify people from service. Do you just sit in your foxhole and shoot at the person and try to take him down from his post? or do you crawl out into the cross fire, risking being shot by both sides (wah.. this is a good analogy *pats my own back*) and evacuate him to the medics and see how you can HELP him qualify for that post and be blameless to all?

Lastly, sometimes in a body, there exists sickness, injury and gangerene that cannot be remedied. In that case, amputation is usually prescribed to save the body. That is portrayed in Mathew 18:15-19 where believers are told to excommunicate blatant sinners (this is a nice article by a good bible believing church I think). Of course, here is where the body analogy fails. I know its possible to reattach limbs.. but.. you know what I mean. When someone cleans up his act, you welcome him back into the body.

Thats all for now I guess. Got so much more on my mind but i have to sleep… Getting up super early to wakeboard with yx! =>

See what an unsaved person can write. Doesn’t that put ALL YOU JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE (but thankfully not me) to shame.. haha.. just kidding. Anyway, I’m not linking directly so there won’t be any trackbacks over at his end.

I’m staying over at ZG’s tonight due to a late project meeting and laziness to go home. Its funny that we talked about playing second fiddle too at west coast macs while we were studying. Like, if some super shen web developer cum designer, an ultra geek and another ZG joined church I’d be out of a job. Or rather, I’d be.. less “needed”. That would so be weird. haha.. I mixed the words up for fun in the previous sentence, bet you din notice.

On another note, I was telling ZG how God seems to be quietly working in the background (like the applications in your taskbar) to change me. I feel…like I’m losing my identity. The things which once defined me are looking shaky and not so definite. The bad things at least.. which seem to be my most outstanding traits. I was just thinking if I submit to God enough, Yann Howe would just disappear off the earth.. and what would be left is a copy of what God would like us to be. Of course, that still seems to be a long long way off. The journey is still infinitely long and I tend to take backward steps all the time.

“O to be like.. theeeeee..”

Well, the previous post was because ppl ask how come I never go sunday school then nobody say me then say them. I got all nervy when I heard that and grossly overreacted on hearsay. Honestly the previous post was originally very mean to Theron but nobody gets to read that and I can only be ashamed before God to be so presumtious and unreasonable when he already took steps to not react to my accusations.

Anyways a simple call and apology made everything all fine and dandy between us. I believe I have failed once again. haha.. but I’m doing very well in the apology department it seems. I think as the people get closer to me the harder it will be to apologise. Lets hope that never happens with my family or what. I want to lvl up and totally avoid the apology thing altogether. If I don’t even wrong anybody I won’t have to apologise! and some wrongs cannot be made right by an apology.. thats the whole danger.

Which brings me to the title of this post. With all the sermons on unity I start to realise theres so much friendly fire going on when the devil is really outside the body of christ and thats where we should be firing. Hell is just behind a gate, waiting to be smashed in by christians who are evangelising the lost, not shooting themselves constantly. I almost shot and injured my brother but thankfully these things only make relationships stronger and more accomodating. Lesson learnt, put behind and moving on. Sigh.. Back to engineering electromagnetics!

I find this “day by day” phrase increasingly true in my life. What a difference a day makes.. one day up the mountain, another in the valleys.. Someone asked

“Hows your spiritual life?”

“Day by day loh.. the only way to describe it”

Dunno.. just think every single day need to find God and abide with him to get by.

I just read the post before this. I think Proverbs 28:13 is something I need to really apply.

Anyway, today was as birthdays are. Messages came in as usual (but not taken forgranted). In order of appearance:

1. +6592275700 (Thanks, although I dunno who you are.. haha.. you din reply la!)
2. William
3. Eunice
4. Liying
5. My bro
6. Sandra
7. Weijie
8. Jeremy
9. Oswald
10. Jie
11. Bernice
12. Shulin
13.  Dad
14. My San Yi
15. Charissa
16. Zhao Ru
17. Timothy Lee
18. Darren
19. Angela
20. Darrell

Thanks to one and all. I ate at Marmalade Pantry just now. It was just a nice quiet dinner. Haha.. I really like nice quiet dinners.

My boat’s still rocking from the days before so I guess I’d say I’m quite fortunate to have lived the life I have. Just 4 and a half years of blogging will show anyone how much God has worked in my life. Even through all that I still feel so lousy, like I haven’t progressed at all. It would greatly comfort me to spout everything I feel thats wrong about me now but its kinda no point and unedifying. Just maybe some simple prayer things I could list out.

1. I am still looking for that elusive daily abiding relationship. I’m really lousy at doing things consistently.
2. I am still looking for that elusive 24/7 connected prayer life. I’m terrible at focusing my mind on one thing.

After so many years I’ve come to realise this is something no christian has or ever will have”gotten past” because its.. just something you can’t get past anymore than you getting past the law of gravity on your own. I need to be like that glove in pastor’s anniversary sermon illustration and I need to let God control me. And it all boils down to little decisions and sins I commit. Oh man.. I’ve grown like so cold and callus over the past couple of months again. The old old story.. is old once more. I’m not interested in God. I serve because its who I am. I’ve been terribly brutal with the truth on occasion. What a difference 9 months makes in my life! I shall go read my own writing once more, the thoughts I had when I just came back from the Spiritual Awakening conference. I feel like I’ve fallen asleep.. and there has been no friend to spur me on.

Hi darren, if you’re reading this we really need to get cracking soon before the desire goes away. It always seems that life deals me difficult times and trying circumstance to discourage me from doing anything. I’m going to die in another 50 years if I’m unlucky enough to live that long. Thats not long enough to serve God fully.

Lastly, instead of shying away from these circumstances and difficult times, I want God to throw them at me until I pass the test and become something that he can use. I want more irritating people in my life. I want more difficult modules. I want more loneliness. I want more stress. But most of all, I want more of God to take me through all this and teach me. Without all this, I’m going to be so useless. Die already have nothing to show for this life.

*Phew*

I shall go shower and then sleep. Have a test tomorrow at 6:30-7:30 pm then going to have dinner with YX. I must say.. I really appreciate what she’s been to me. I want God to bless our relationship and teach us. I’m kinda looking forward to the 6 months away. When she’s back I can “get to know her all over again” as dency says the same about my bro who’s been away for a month. No gushing lovey dovey for her over here, just a solid appreciation.

Dear friends,

We just had whole 8-4pm of revival prayer meetings in the church today. The Lord met with us and the Lord has specifically burdened my heart especially for S’pore. What a great need we have to get on a grounds of true prayer, totally guided by the Holy Spirit(Romams 8:26)! The Lord
is looking for intercessors that will be willing to stand in the gap for
the people(Ez 22:30). And that applies to me as I pray for my people and you folks in BFC in S’pore. Would you commit to join me to pray for S’pore? That the Lord will show ourselves FIRSTm the need for personal revival where sins are confessed and totally dealt with and that hearts will be turned to the Lord completely in faith, trusting God for Greater Works He promised in John 14:12-14?(read that and also read Hosea 10:12, 2 Chronicles 7:14) I am
praying that Doctor Flanders(a man of great revival) will be able to come to S’pore for a week of revival meetings. I am still seeking the Lord in this matter, may His will be done in a way that only He can accomplish! I know He wants to send revival(as we see in Acts 2) to singapore!! Moses is an excellent example of a faithful intercessor as He placed his life on the line for his people. The Lord has been showing and teaching me revival truths that is life-changing!

Will you seek the Lord till He rain righteousness upon you and revive you too?
If you are willing, get on your face before God and ask Him to show you your need and change you. God has given us the responsibility in the will to respond, so we must first be willing to humble ourselves and admit our need for change into Revival!

The Lord has promise He will show us great and mighty things in Jer 33:3 when we seek Him with all our heart. The first great thing I have found that He will reveal is our sin(lack of prayer,lack of faith) and other secret sins we have. First thing is for us to respond correctly with the promise in Proverbs 28:13 “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have MERCY.”

I am praying for you all… Are we getting caught up with materialism and things of the world that we have lost our power as Christians to impact the world for God’s glory? Acts 1:8 says “But ye shall receive POWER, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth” Do we know that the Spirit God has sent is with us as believers? This power is actively received when we say “no” to ourselves and Saturn and “yes” to God!

OH that we may understand and appropriate the the fullness we have in Christ! Eph 2:5-6 “Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus” Do we realize the power and the fullness of our place in Heaven with Jesus? Or has the devil and ourselves taken our seat off that place at the right hand of God?

Please, seek the Lord while He may be found (read Is 55)

Will we not allow mandane things crowd out the riches of His glory but are seek the Lord and draw nigh to Him for He has promised to draw nigh(James 4:8)!

There is so so much more in His word! Are we thirsty or have we allowed our thirst to be temporarily eased by earthly things?
Isaiah 44:3 says “For I will pour water upon him that is thirsty, and floods upon the dry ground: I will pour my spirit upon thy seed, and my blessing upon thine offspring”

Let us be honest with ourselves, are we living a revived life God intends for us to be?

Thank God for this time that I can finally spend to write a long one for you all. May you allow the Lord to work in your hearts today as He brings to you convincement and conviction of these truths as He has been doing so in my live, Amen!

Great burden and prayers for you all,
Benji