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So the Wong family came over for dinner before my bro and dency head off again to the USA. Andrew has a girlfriend!

hahaha… The young Andy has become this tall longbean of a guy. Uncle Goffrey’s hair is still black and nothing much else has changed.

Some highlights:

And the rest of the photos:

My 2 aunty’s birthdays celebration.

Back from lunch at penang place with my parents. Its at the business park in jurong.

The title says it all! first at church

Then at home..

I think Hui En is a sweeter sounding name than Hannah. Anyway, went for dinner at tung lok seafood gallery. It was great! but I ate alot alot.. oh man.. Anyway, I’m going to get photos up real soon as soon as they upload. I’m really happy (for the second time) that my camera is back. I love it. I think even if I get a spanking new G9 I won’t be as happy as I am with this one now.

<unrelated-rave>For one, there is no compact camera out there with aperture 1.8 that give the photos such shallow depth of field AND can take photos in pretty dark conditions (reminds me of the 50mm prime for canon). This camera can do photos in 4×6 ratio and its LCD is hinged and thus can do low angled shots easily. I’d buy this camera again anytime but I think I just have to move on la.. it gets too hard to repair and service this as time passes on. G9 is next! haha.. I heard its only 650SGD in the US compared to 830SGD (quoted by the guy at allan photo) for a new one here. I might get another before this one spoils. This is so I can use the olympus abit less so it can last abit longer. I’m considering a flash unit because I hear some can work on both olympus and canon with TTL functions intact. Still, its just an untested thing. Sorry, I know this is about Hannah, but I’m too excited and waiting for photos to upload too.. haha..</unrelated-rave>

Okay, back to the photos.. they’re gonna be up soon! They’re up!

Well, its only my parents and me, my grandma and the maid left in the house. I kinda think its really quiet and all already. Sigh.. Kinda bored. I wanna go sleep right now but I feel like I’m missing something. I want to play sports on mondays but now its so far and I go alone.. So I guess its not really possible.

On a seperate note. I asked for wisdom today and got it. Wisdom differs so much from intelligence I noticed, even though you know there is this difference, its another thing to experience the difference. More love to thee.. and others around I pray..

Me and YX had a great time with Charissa.. even if it was just slacking at carls junior for so long and then walking around aimlessly and looking at clothes. I’m really tired.. have lab tomorrow at 9 and I want to sleep well and do well. I dunno if I should do a 6am drive to school again? I dowan to spoil myself though. Oh dear.. I’m lagging behind in my work and the commitments are bearing down on me soon.  Whats left is..

• Cantata Songs recording (3hr)
• Cantata Cast Recording (6hr)
• Background music recording (3hr)
• Pastor’s Msg on Cantata CD (2hrs)
• FBI

Hmmm.. I really need to not just catch up but GET AHEAD for my school work in order to have any time to serve in the later half of this sem.

I shall retire to my bed.. get good rest after praying. I want to pray more, but its like a day by day thing. One day good one day no good. Worse than stock market. Better not get caught in web of slackness and feeling like I have nothing wrong.

I had a funny but wonderful day.

1. Went to church, sermon about spiritual gifts was familiar but still, good listening. I have to go back and hear the end. was totally stoning. Not sleeping, stoning and daydreaming.
2. Had another funny time with Ming Yong and PS. went down for a drink during sunday sch when I actually intended to study at macs. We had a good chat. Makes me feel more realistic and down to earth when you talk to them who have been working for quite a number of years.
3. After that I went back to church for rehearsal.. ended up taking lotsa photos for the cantata publicity. Its tough.. but I hope the concept will come out soon this week.
4. Did FBI.
5. Had alot of things in my head, made some weird choices and statements to various people through the day.
6. Went for dinner with david, cc, mom, dad, dency at a japanese restaurant at vivo.
7. Discovered PAGEONE. Its ultra cool!!! so many design resources.. all sitting there on shelves to read.
8. Tire was completely flat on driving out. Quickly changed tires and got back on the road. Volvo is a wonderful carmaker. Totally idiot proof tire changing stuff.

Yep, that kinda sums it up. I have a lab in the morning, going to ask some questions and try to complete my program. Sigh.. its really so TOUGH. Then after this if i’m not wrong we’re going to program the chip directly! oh man.. so cool.. if only the language and logic was not so hard.

I have to achieve personal holiness. At least, to whatever extent is humanly possible and leave the rest to God. Of course, which effectively means leave everything to God. Then again, some free will is required right? I dunno la.. just know if I don’t do that, I’ll forever be relegated to just doing these mundane technical nonsense in church which contributes, but in and of themselves has no real use/value/purpose. I want to be a part of the ORIGINAL functions of a church. Discipleship and Evangelism. Over simplification? maybe.. but in essence, be directly involved in these two.

For the first time I’m saying it out, discipleship is on my mind: both getting and giving it. Nothing can take its place.. not bible study, not youth meetings. It doesn’t have to be formal but I’m looking to achieve the above before embarking on this thing. I don’t care how long it takes to prepare me.. a third of my life is over, I want the other two to count. How about you?

Breakfast

I ate with Nazir.. woke up early at 0715 to go la! Anyway, I reached there at 0835. Mom sent me to MRT then I took from there.. managed to get a seat and kept dozing off all the way there. Its cool to catch up!

Lunch

I had lunch with Daniel at some porridge place (check out the food map). Went for some Zhi Cha.. Oh man, they had crispy gu lo rou.. It was power! the last time I ate crispy one was in J1 opposite TJ that market la! We talked abit about ministry. I’ve been recently bogged down by the recordings and so we talked about that among other things. How our primary responsibilities like family, work and school should come first, then any extra time should go to church. Placing God first in my life would mean doing my work well and then if I can, serve in church. Not because study is more important, but because it IS my service and ministry. Honestly, I guess its because church is a nice social environment and I like working there but I shouldn’t place my social need above my primary duties. Yes, it sounds wrong but give it a little more thought? I think this is an even harder road than just being in church with friends all the time and getting stuff done without first settling home and family first.

Dinner

Ate with sister. We bought camera for her collegue and then headed to marina to pick up her lost ATM card from the store, then went to pizza hut at suntec to eat the cheesy bites and a garlic bread! The pizza grew smaller! so upsetting. After that she dropped me off at the shuttle bus place at carrefour and then I waited for my parents then came back home with them. Oh yes, I walked the dog too.

Night

I decided to spend less time on this blog. Now I’m typing like a madman. It kinda doesn’t help when 2 rows of keys on the stupid keyboard suddenly decide not to work for about 5 mins. I have no idea why it does that yet, but it seems like 15-20min after I start up it does that. Strange. Anyway, 15 min tops for 2 posts!

Well, I guess its my turn to say my piece right? Well, for one I’d say a year is not long and when we look back it might have been funny we made such a fuss over it but well, its still quite a long time considering some stuff that will be happening while he’s gone. My sister will have a kid while he’s not around.. and I can’t really think of anything else. Lots of people will be missing him around too I guess. I don’t want to write an eulogy kinda thing, somethings are best left unsaid - like the bad stuff. The rest, I think is better said than not because sometimes you just don’t have another chance. That said, if you think really really long term, you still see people in heaven what.. so I guess saying stuff is only because it makes a difference in this life.

Anyway, I’ll skip all the way to jc, when he came back from NS. The rest before was prob just a blur and maybe unpleasant. I found the 2 years alone in my room quiet and just lidat.. but when we grew up after that it was just different. We each established our own identities and moved along on our own and thats probably all I know to say. Our relationship exists in a very arbitrary manner which I find hard to explain. Therefore I shall try to explain it as best as I can.

I think for me, love for people exists as a fact. I love my family, it never needs to be quantified to me, at least thats how I view it on my end. Simply put, these relationships exist and therefore they are of highest priority. Of course, the rest of the world would not agree since if everyone loved everyone else but made no action to show it, this world would be a very sad place.

Then comes the next question I’ve been asking myself these few days. How do I show people I love them. I was really considering the answer “I don’t” and that would be pretty much true because I really don’t think I do anything much. I mean, it was only about 3 or 4 years ago that I started remembering everybody’s birthdays to the date.. beforewhich I only knew the month. Knowing the dates now, I still am not 1000000% sure.. like, I will have this little doubt in my mind still. Anyway, I think its a passive thing for me. The world can wait but my family can’t. If anything needs to get done, I’d do it and the rest of my life goes on hold. I’m not into gift giving, money giving (what would my parents need the money for??), words of affection or encouragement. Maybe service speaks the loudest for me. Since my family is kinda like super independant do everything yourself , don’t really need help one there’s nothing much to do anyway and also, i’m the youngest and the most dependant, I don’t have much to offer. So the irony is that I do stuff for people but there’s nothing really much to be done anyway. I don’t do anything else, therefore I must not care about them. At least sometimes thats the conclusion they draw.

Next, this notion of family love as a fact is probably because of the security I have in them and that my family is totally able to take each other forgranted. This is not to say we do, but its just one circle and somewhere someone must make a choice to break out of it and use a different measure to measure other’s love. To measure a person’s love for you using your own system of measure is just stupid. Its using a measuring stick to measure the brightness of the sun, using a barometer to weigh a brick, taking a thermometer and using it as a timer.. you get the idea. Well, I measure (or at least I’d like to think I do) people’s love by their own measure.. This of course, requires knowledge of how we show each other love. My dad obviously provides things/dispenses advice when solicited. My mom and bro are doing freaks and my sister is a gifts person. Seriously, have you seen a person who can out-do my mom in the acts of service department? I haven’t. And by her incessant nagging I know she really cares. Like, when she don’t nag its like super unnatural for me.

So there, the semi-eternal(paradoxical phrase??) mystery of whether I actually capable of showing any care for anybody is left semi-unsolved after presenting conclusive but just slightly unrelated information. The question “Wha, you can feel sad one ah?” was posed to me just a week ago. I conclude that I must appear to be some sort of ultra-asperger to the average person in church in addition to my family, with no capability for tact and empathy. Thats all well also, since people conclude that “I’m just like that”. But don’t say I don’t care, thats just unfair.

I (not by choice but by nature) see things in a different way. I see a brother going overseas, so much to do, so much to learn, such an interesting exerience, whats so sad about that? I don’t see the quietness at home, I see the excitement over there waiting for him. I must be weird but I don’t mind.

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows where
But I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

So on we go
His welfare is my concern
No burden is he to bear
We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

Bridge:
If I’m laden at all
I’m laden with sadness
That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with gladness
And love for one another

It’s a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we’re on the way to there
Why not share
And the load doesn’t weigh me down at all
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

He’s my brother
He ain’t heavy, He’s my brother