May 15th, 2007
My Father’s Eyes
Was listening to the oldie of the same name just this afternoon when I reached home to see my dad fixing the front side-gate. The Hinges has broken off because the door usually gets opened the wrong way. Anyway, its quite a shift back in time to see what my dad used to do. He worked from the yards of the harbour, into the office with plans of ships, moved on to his current company and climbed up the long ladder to where he is now.
I think I’ll never be able to ever ever be like him. Its like these two humongous shoes to fill. I know I don’t need to be a copy of his life but it seems like something I’ll never be able to do even if I wanted to. Anyhow, I’ve always wondered what my life would be like in my later years. How I would provide for my family and would I ever be able to give them as much as he gave me and my family. I dread the day when death becomes inescapable. It catches up with everyone and usually all too soon when it comes to family. Was talking to Kok Wing on sunday night about how at most another 3 rounds of 23 years would see me reaching the end of my own life. I kinda fear death alot. Not for my own but rather others and being left behind as they move on. The list of friends and family running through my mind is so long and morbid as it may be, I can see all of them 6 feet under or being cremated.
This preoccupation with the destination sometimes helps to un-obscure the present journey through life. Seeing the end, I need to act on the present instead of being fixated on the inevitable. I love my dad for just being my dad and my mom for being so much more than a mom needs to be. Someday I’ll be able to see all this through his eyes.
