ThisCowIsPurple.com

I’ve been doing a little thinking about how a camp is emotional/not-emotional. However, both of them work together and are not mutually exclusive. This I say, because I think people define what they think abit inaccurately.

Most people say a camp is not as emotional when actually the camp is more like, intellectual. What they really mean was - “The camp stirred my brain more than the heart” or “The camp didn’t stir my heart”. Of course, these statements mean different things (The camp could have not stirred the brain as well the heart) but for the purpose of this post, I will suppose that the message stirred the mind into a decision but the heart wasn’t really moved greatly to the point of tears.

Over the last weeks I’ve felt myself become very open and shut off from God at the same time. More specifically, pastor’s message last week about the lepers and all.. I’d consider myself to be the army hiding in the city. Anyways, I was pretty much touched emotionally, but a day or two after, I couldn’t remember the specifics of the message. This disturbed me because

• I was very very stirred after the message but
• I didn’t remember what it was exactly about so
• What’s the point of being emotionally stirred when you can’t remember what you’re supposed to do about it?

So I went to recall what was said and all so that it wouldn’t be a worthless moving of my heart.

After reading a few posts about the camp being “not as emotional as before” I’d question the interpretation of that being better/worse than before. A better word would be “Different” but most people think it is “better”. I would like to say however, that is is not worse or better, it is “Different” (as christine says) and more accurately, “Same”.

A moving of the mind, without the heart, is as worthless and the moving of the heart without the mind. Moving of both.. seems to be the best.

It brings me back to the story of a man who witnessed an accident and said nonchalently “this guy’s bleeding out, he’s going to need an ambulance”. But when the ambulance arrived and flipped the guy face up, the man realised it was his brother he had watched bleed out without doing anything and cried out “thats my brother!!”. After that emotional outburst, he didn’t stop there and went take action to help the medics. This man, clearly knew what was going on but only moved his mind into action. Once his emotions got engaged, that wasn’t the end of the story, cos it wouldn’t have helped to just be moved emotionally. What really changed his final action and attitude was the moving of both his mind and emotions and taking action on it to go help the medics

Similarly, after this camp as people say “Its not as emotional as before, its better than last time..” Nay, it is not better. Its the same. Only when you FEEL it and KNOW it. THEN you will carry through with it. I say this without criticism to what people might feel but with love, knowing I’ve been there and felt that before and now can look back. It is however, notable that they are a good couple of years younger than me. Which makes me wonder what took me so long.

As Pastor Mike said, “Is the old old story, old to you? If it is, you need revival.” (this is for people who don’t know what the old old story is) Only with the emotional heart and the intellectual mind can a person take action with true conviction and compassion.

Something Theron said during sharing also made me hear myself when I said the same thing just 3 or 4 years ago I think (wow.. I was 19 before). “When you’re close to God the whole year, you won’t feel the camp is like a mountain top experience” or something to that effect. I was talking to ben during the Encountering Christ camp and I told him.. I think I already encountered him. haha.. That said, I need a daily encountering him now. I feel so fallen away.

Lastly, if you’ve gotten this far, I felt like saying “I have nothing good to share” during the sharing with the Surely Saved group. While that could have been accurate, I was more like.. not wanting to open myself emotionally to them. I really just wanted prayer for myself because I was not feeling particularly great about myself recently. Everything seems to be in limbo as far as spiritual things are concerned. “I feel utterly detached from the things of God” was a good enough summary. With the cantata coming up and my desire to be a counsellor instead of being stuck in the control room (hence the reason for Joel to be soundman), I still wonder what I am doing. This constant battle with self is not simple at all. I wish it were a simple as a one time decision.. but is not. Its a daily daily daily decision. In fact, its more like a second-ly decision. I read this year’s birthday post and think.. the need and desire is the same then, and now. What a difference a day makes.. I used to think.. because, within the hour, a man can go from spiritual to fleshly as long as he doesn’t abide with God.

All is talk, until I do something about it.

Hi, managed to go down to children’s camp to hang around on YX’s birthday. Anyway, I’ve hit a really large wall with regards to study. I can’t get anything in! Its too hard to understand! Oh man. By this time tomorow I’ll be finishing up my ee2007 paper, waiting for the collection.

On a lighter note, I drove the van! Haha.. twice today. Its really quite easy to drive. Quite safe also cos its so slow. Suspension is terrible though.. lucky I was the only one inside when I felt like I flew off my seat going over the small hump. haha.. I grabbed it to go eat bak chor mee.. managed to sit down eat, have a drink and get out within the 15 min grace period. Not bad eh?

Anyway, the photos I took today are weird. I think its because I took it at -0.7ev. The colours look so dull and flat despite the colourful subjects. Weird.

Somehow missing it doesn’t affect me at all. Just like the past 4 years or so, I’m unable to come and stick around full time. Well, I used to look towards the camps with anticipation and so much excitement. Staying overnight, with friends, fooling around (when they children aren’t looking), playing games.. Of course, if you like someone in church, who can deny enjoying being around the girl(s)/guy(s) you like for 5 WHOLE days? haha.. I know I did. I mean, you understand what I mean la. Its just an extra on the side, not the main thing for you hopefully.

Girls - Check out the guys who clear rubbish/clean toilet/take care of kids automatically.. haha.. certainly a good place to get your dream guy

All that aside, I think I really missed the whole point so many times over. In fact, I was not burdened for their salvation very much. At least, not enough to be thinking and praying about it all the time. Which I really think is so so important. We can run and help out all we want but the whole point is to sow the seed and if God is willing, reap it as well.

Seeing the youth mature, (I mean relatively compared to the past) I guess they will be fine handling all the work. It still amuses me that kids who can’t take care of themselves very well are taking care of others peoples kids - but who can blame them? Nobody was born an adult (*ouch* for mommy if that happened). Haha.. that was a joke. Really. Take time to learn  and listen from old ppl kiddos!

Anyways, it doesn’t matter than none of you willl read this but I’ll be praying for all of you over there at children’s camp! 5 whole days I’ll be thinking of you all!

Ah forget it, the little m600 is ridiculous. I can safely say that wifi on a handheld device to surf the net is a gimmick. It would be useful to make voice over IP calls and checking email though. I don’t do both so not going to bring them to the US.

Anyway, alot of people were at my place. After Children’s camp debrief, we ate and played board games then played polar bear. Which I must say was much better than the last time joshua attempted to introduce it to us. I’m so tired, I’m going to die. Anyway had a damp day with dampening news but I’m fine I guess. I know I had it coming anyway.

On a lighter note, my lappy’s fine! The guy called at about 6 and told me to collect tomorrow. Sweet lappy here I come!