February 28th, 2010
Half a Week
Just on Wednesday night I was pretty fed up with my christian life. After finishing Josh Harris’s book I feel like my journey is moving in reverse compared to him, from being deep in a church to shallow non-commitment. I was fed up not in the sense that I was tired of God or felt bitter, it was more like my “fellowship life” which kinda means like “Social life” in church setting. Fellowship is social, that’s the whole idea of getting together on Sunday but it has the added dimension of socialising around God. At least that’s the conclusion one can draw when defining it from observation. Something special happens when God’s people gather.
Everyone can worship in private, responding to his revelation through the bible and receiving his word can be done alone, prayer is also to be done alone “in the closet”. That said, all the above activities are also to be done in a group setting. The early church gathered and broke bread daily. They prayed together. They listened to the word spoken by appointed elders together. Man’s social need has been there even in his perfect state, that’s why Eve was made for Adam, a companion that was like and equal to him because it was not good for him to be alone. Obviously the companionship was not just sexual or for reproduction, I’m sure she was just as much an intellectual and emotional companion as well as a work partner. It is almost recorded in genesis as if Eve was an afterthought but I’m sure God had it in his plan already. A long list of whys probably exist but I guess its not that important.
Time after time the fickleness of the human emotion still catches me by suprise though and as I said earlier this week, I find myself being more and more of a social creature as I grow older. I guess the more people grow on you the more they can really upset you and vice versa.
I’m glad I’m going to be in church this week. I told someone I feel permanently damaged already and only God can fix me. Perhaps the day will come for me to raise the anchors and move on. It doesn’t feel so soon and I’m hoping that day comes quietly and gently because I can’t take very much. It won’t be an easy journey but as they say, almost nothing worth doing is ever easy.

