End of article note - I hope you’ll reach the bottom of this post because well.. this is what I have learnt after many years, Gonna sticky it for a couple of days or a week plus.. New posts below!
Boy Girl Relationships… Honestly, this is not directed at any one person. If you get pissed off, you’re probably guilty.
Like, whats the big deal? Been pondering whats this thing that disturbs so many people. For the record, I HATE endless emoing and gushing over a silly infatuation.I mean, once in a while is fine.. but if its like an endless torrent of emo trash, it just pains everyone around. Serious. Stop that stupid non-stop posting of childish brain farts cos like, nobody really cares for stuff like this can? Its really a pathetic cry for help. Cowboy up and be a man, not some loser hiding behind a blog posting sad, vague poems of woe. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
On to more pertinent issues, I find the recent interactions of guys and girls in church quite disturbing. Like, on the surface they look like they’re on different planets, the guys over at the end at the tables and the girls near the sliding doors chitter chattering. Underneath lies this entired complicated web of (non?)relationships and communication that nobody knows about. They happily pretend nothing’s on and go about their weekly (church) lives (not all of them, again I must emphasise. This isn’t any sweeping statement).
Why is this unhealthy? I’ll start with 5 good reasons.
- When communication is carried out in private 100% of the time, there is no supervision and there is nobody to notice if anything is awry. Things get out of hand easily.
- If guys and girls in our church aren’t interacting in the open with each other, whats really stopping them? Is it because they have something to hide? or are we as a church culture practising something that is unnatural and ridiculous? Both of these indicate something wrong.
- If guys and girls from our church aren’t interested in each other (as in, as christians at the most basic level) who are they being interested in? Surely it is healthier to interact with the opposite gender in church than in school and in the world!
- The most baggage free place on this planet should be church! Why is it them becoming a place where young christian men and ladies want to escape from because of spoilt relationships?
- Also, surely it seems sensible that a girl (or guy) from the same church has more things in common with you than anyone else from anywhere else
The list would go on, really…
Next thing is, whats the big deal if someone likes someone else? Must you blabber mouths and gossiping chatterboxes go on and on about it and stick your (long and fat) nose into something thats NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS? I mean, who made you cupid? or are you just stupid? Shut up and pray that its God’s will or that everything would be smooth and great for them. There isn’t a pattern for how relationships work, they just find their own way. Your way is usually wrong. Your way is usually wrong. Did I say your way is usually wrong? Playing the match maker is usually how things mess up really nicely. I could cite examples in my own life. Of course on hindsight, I am grateful now but still, not appreciating the emotional scarring and stress that came from it. Planting thoughts in people’s head is BAD. Talking about the potential relationship on behalf of a friend to the object of affection is BAD. Like, then what?
This is more for the peers and so called friends - If you’re driving along the road of life, same as them, what qualifies you to even council them? You’re no farther ahead! Take advice from older people! People who have been there! And after that Listen to none of them! only listen to what God has said already in his word. Involve your parents, they should be the first to know. If they don’t like it, respect them! You’re going to have to come back one full circle and ask them when you get married anyway unless you plan on dishonouring them. Always treat them with due respect because even if you decide to carry on when they disagree, you can have assurance that you did no wrong to them. Also, you must be willing to accept any consequences that arise from carrying on with a relationship they disagree with but you firmly believe God has ordained. One test is that it is usually but not always accompanied by approval from a majority of holy men who undoubtedly walk with God and know his will.
Next, its totally not unnatural for a guy to like what he sees (as in pleasing to the eyes, not lusting in the mind), God made us that way! Jacob liked Racheal when he saw her along with many many other guys in the bible. The bible refers to physical beauty and stature as blessings from God! Get over it girls! If you think some guy likes you just cos you’re pretty then maybe you should start trying to interact more with them so that they know that your skull isn’t a vacuous black hole of nothingness and they would actually be able to know you better to like your personality and above that, your CHARACTER(I’m sure it exists). If you are hiding away somewhere waiting for your prince charming to just know you inside out and love your character without even interacting with you- newsflash: Its never going to happen. Give guys a chance! Who knows, after that know you better they won’t want you anymore anyway!
Good tips to start great relationships (and not just the romantic kind):
Work together! Serve each other! I personally find the rubbish bin a great place to look for guys and girls, especially when their the ones clearing it. Share with each other spiritual things! Talk about God with each other! Don’t mistake emotional for spiritual, they are very different. How to tell? One is centered around YOU, the ME, I, MYSELF, HOW I FEEL, the other is centered around GOD, CHRIST and his grace and work in your life. Sharing God’s work in your life is always shameless! Whats there to be shy about when its not even about you? Talk to others, show care and concern. Stop talking and start listening. Stop trying to teach people what you think is right and start learning from others instead! Say sorry when you’re wrong as soon as possible and be ready to accept ANY reply or ear-bending with silence(this one’s hard)
For guys, be a man and take charge! Of your own eyes and mouth and thoughts of course! What we say and do around girls can mean so much more than what you ever can conceive. Talking about how pretty so and so is in front of other girls just shows how shallow you are. If you think people do get over it and are able to talk about it without feeling anything, those people are probably guys. Every girl feels small and ugly when you keep speaking about how awesome some other girls body or face or complexion is. Imagine yourself at an international bodybuilding convention and you’re the only average guy there, how would you feel? Small? Scrawny? Or if girls gushed non-stop over hunks and handsome dudes with you? I’d feel weird. And that is but a small taste of how their really sensitive hearts feel like. Stop getting your mind into the gutter! replace bad thoughts with thoughts of God. Run away, call someone to talk to, bash your head until you knock out (just kidding) whatever helps.
Sigh. It started as a high strung post I must admit but it slowly became more and more saddening as I wrote it. I hope it has been of some value to those who have made it down here. Goodness, I need to sleep and I still have more to share, hiding at the back of my mind. But thats it for now.
