Short Story:

If there is anything I’ve learnt over the past six years with YX, its that “I Love You” is something you do, not something you say.

Long Story:

Its has been six years since we started everything, time sure flies. From the 14th of November 2004, the time I was soon finishing NS and she was carrying on to J2 until now when we are both working. That’s our whole tertiary education together. Its been a blast spending a quarter of my life with her already, I wonder what the rest of my life will be like. No doubt even more things will change and we will keep learning but I feel like we’ve already changed so much and learnt so much from each other. I’ll share some of I’ve learnt here:

1) I can’t have conflict resolution and keep my pride

How silly it is to think that I can enjoy fellowship in any kind of healthy relationship without surrendering my pride. In 2 Chronicles 7:14 God shows us the pattern for restoration with him, a model we would be wise to follow when dealing with others, not just those close to you. So here’s how we settle things all the time! It used to take 3 days, now it takes a couple of minutes to hours..

1. Humble myself
2. Communicate with the offended one
3. Stop doing whatever it is to hurt each other

2) Don’t do thing for each other as leverage against him/her, do it lovingly

Colossians 3:23  and 2 Corinthians 9:7 speak about working and giving to God but the same is just applicable when working out differences in people and doing things for the sake of others. When you’ve agreed to it, don’t whine or complain later! Do it in love! Through the years we’ve been doing things we probably don’t like or are not used to for each other and so many times the whole value of the action is lost when we do it grudgingly or “just for her sake”. The “just for your sake” should become “I’m glad to do it” not “aiyah bo pian la, she like what..”. How do I know I love her? When I recognize that her needs are more important than my own (speaking in the realm of preference here!) and that it really doesn’t matter if I get my way and damage our relationship.

3) How you spend your attention and time reveals your true priorities.

When I wish I were watching TV / playing game / out fishing or *insert whatever I enjoy here* and I actually go ahead and choose it over something else. That shows it is more important. When your attention is sucked into the TV screen or that football match instead of listening to something important, you can be sure it is more important. It really doesn’t matter what you think or say, what you do with your time, money and attention tells far more and is a definitive answer to what is more important at the moment.

I’m glad that after so many years we’ve been able to learn so much about ourselves and each other! And I’ve very glad she’s still with me in spite of knowing all that.. haha..

Communicating that concern and love is not easy for me sometimes and most times I pound someone with logic and forget to leave some space to communicate concern or fail to have already communicated it through daily living. This is applying the truth in love.

I was pretty encouraged today that we happened to leave work together again today and I was already wondering if he would try to avoid me even after I told him I was sorry in the morning. He didn’t! In fact after a bus ride to the mrt he brought up the unpleasant conversation and told me the same topic came up in cell group and the spirit worked in him to make some resolutions.

Haha.. So that it all turned out nicely is quite a blessing to me. I hope that if you feel like you messed up and did a stupid, remember God still uses broken things. If you realize your error, break your will and pride, God can and will most certainly use the mess you made for his glory.

Oh! happy day.. happy dayyyy… I’ll never beeeee the sammeeee…

Heard it sung in the office today and I came home to search for it. I think I actually like my colleague’s simple guitar skills and almost-but-not-quite-out-of-tune voice better than the original which is abit too heavy for me! lol.. Something stirs when you hear someone singing praises from the heart, even if its not really in agreement with what you’re used to.

Really, what a happy day.. that day the thief on the cross found his Savior! SO many theological truths to be gleaned from a couple of verses and their simple conversation before their deaths (Luke 23:39-43). It’s a simple example that refutes salvation by baptism, works and how anyone can obtain salvation by faith through Christ alone alone.

“Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

Epic words, in my opinion. Imagine the assurance you’d have if you heard it from Jesus himself! You’d probably never be able to doubt your salvation!

We teach that the new-birth experience is comprised of repentance, water baptism in the name of Jesus Christ, and the infilling of the Holy Spirit.  This is the New Testament pattern for all believers to follow as a result of their faith in Christ. (Acts 2:38; Luke 13:1-5; Acts 10:44-48;   Acts 19:5-6)

Well, some of these terms have to be defined more clearly like “new birth experience” and “Infilling of the holy spirit” and if the next statement is also a must

We believe that when a person receives the baptism of the Holy Spirit, that person will speak with other tongues under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:4; Acts 19:6; Isaiah 28:11)

and if the logic is a –> b –> c, then saved –> filled with holy spirit –> speak in tongues. Which we then have a major problem cos well.. long story.

Oh well.. the devotion still has value though

So what’s all this got to do with receiving the word you might think. Alot actually. Some thoughts crossed my mind as the box sat on the ground.

Am I this happy to receive the Word?

Haha.. what a spoiler for myself right. So can you think of something you receive with gladness more than the word?

I have found myself wondering this a couple of times the past few months. What does it usually indicate when a Christian starts to shrink away from others and try and isolate themselves purposefully, not to seek God or some other good reason like quieting down but just feels like shunning other people to be alone? Does it have something to do with their relationship with God?

The Symptoms

For me, it is accompanied by a loss of peace, lack of quiet moments with God and a total loss of interest in sharing the Gospel. Encouraging others goes out the window and so does the temper and patience. Grace suddenly vanishes from the vocabulary and is replaced with resentment in varying amounts. Some calm moments exist when I wonder about whats wrong with me but it quickly goes away and there is no time for conviction. Occasionally I squeeze out a kind face, some smiles and gentle words for people closer but still, nothing has really changed. Searching for answers is fruitless and frustrating and the difference between and genuine and non-genuine thoughts and feelings become less obvious. Service is something I wanna skip because I know I’m just wasting time serving in the flesh. In short I can safely say that in this state I have no fruit of the spirit, no love, no beattitudes. The flesh pwns.

The disease

*two weeks later* I still am clueless as to what the problem is. Perhaps it is un-surrender, perhaps it is a ignorance to my fleshly state and perhaps it is simply a lack of the basics of the Christian life which is praying and reading the bible. Whatever the case(s) it is a place where I don’t want to be, a disease I do not wish to submit myself to be aflicted by. Perhaps, this section is completely unimportant when compared to the next.

The Cure.

The cure for me was simply “looking unto Jesus”. So what do I mean in a practical sense? I stopped looking at myself and trying to figure out what was wrong. I submitted myself to his word and commands that are explicitly known. I made the choice to seek and was rewarded with finding. I made a choice and God saw it through. I didn’t get out because I was faithful, I got out of my mess because God was faithful.

All in all the past month has been a walk in the wilderness. I’m still not perfectly sorted out but I’m learning to rest in him. I hope this post will be a standing stone and a reminder to myself how great God’s faithfulness is.

As for anyone else who’s been wandering I hope you get things sorted out!

I’ve been thinking of how people thank God for the “good” things that happen to them. Sure, I scored 4 cameras today and can make a decent sum that lasts for 2 weeks to a month but is that “good” like in Genesis 1:10? Surely man and God agree on some things as being good, but I’m sure alot of things that are Good in God’s sight seem like torture to us. And of course stuff that is Good in our sight is really sometimes quite bad in God’s sight (Judges 17:6). Although there is nothing inherently sinful in material gain the love of material gain or almost anything else other than God is worldliness(1 John 2:15) and a possible further stretch, idolatry(Exodus 34:17).

On my last point, I wonder if is more accurate to say that worldliness is a form of idolatry. But idolatry in is literal form requires worship or a certain image or likeness. Now, we always say things like hobbies or people can become idols.. but that really isn’t true in the sense of the word unless a soccer fan sets up an alter with david beckham (or pele for that matter) as a likeness to be prayed to and bowed down to. I guess  strictly we really mean worldliness when we start to mis-prioritize and I guess it isn’t that big a deal that these 2 words lose its distinction. I guess its more like when people equate worldliness with having anything to do with the world. Which it does not make sense to conclude. Because the world wears trendy clothes, they drive cars, they have jobs, they engage in recreation, they acquire wealth. We are commanded not to love the world(1 John 2:15), not to purposely do the opposite of what everyone else.”oh if you wear this you are worldly” “if you listen to this music you are worldly” “If you watch this you are worldly”. We need no further definition of worldliness than “Loving something more than we love God”. Do you love anything more than you love your christian brother’s genuine sensitivities? if yes, then you are worldly.Do you have more energy to spend on some worldly secular activity? then yes, you are worldly. Because the spiritual man has no greater interest than in God himself and everything related to that end.

If you have a genuine clear conscience and have searched the scriptures with due diligence and are convinced in your own mind about something, forget the guy/gal who has been in church for 200 years and is still “stumbled” by your choice to dress a certain way or listen to certain things, he should move on and deal with it. But PLEASE, listen to the people who truly love you (you know who they are!) and not just those who say they do(1 john 3:18). If those who love you have something to say about the way you dress and what you listen to or watch you can be sure they really have your best interests at heart. You don’t necessarily have to follow their advice but at least you know it is from a true caring heart and not someone who’s just pushing their standards on you. Finally OBEY those who are in direct spiritual authority over you because well.. they watch over your souls and have to account for you and let them account with joy, not grief (Hebrews 13:17). That includes parents pastors and mentors. I believe it wouldn’t be far fetched to say the verse pre-assumes (yes, that’s where the word presume comes from) that whatever this spiritual authority is telling you is doctrine level truth from the bible which is indisputable, not matters of opinion.

So, what is good then? Haha.. I honestly still don’t know. For now I guess things that were explicitly stated as good or cause Godliness as an aftereffect can safely be said to be good and things inherently sinful and tempt to sin are bad. That’s such a general description. haha.. I’m glad we have intuition and don’t have to always work everything out logically in order to come to a conclusion. And there’s always the Holy Spirit to listen to anyway.. make sure you can hear him first though!

CHRIST is its grand subject, our good its design, and the glory of God its end.

I always wondered where this saying about the bible came from, first having heard it in a song about the Word with a propaganda-like over-the-sound-system segment together with many other sayings. Apparently its taken from the “The Gideons International, The New Testament, National Publishing Company, 1985, preface” a pretty nice sounding description of the bible. Of course you can nitpick and extend the saying to whatever it didn’t intend to say but I’ll just take it as it is.

Sometimes I feel like the only honest thing left in my world is an unadulterated photograph.

Well, I didn’t mean to parody my own saying but it was amusing to me to find holes in even what I said myself

It was a quick and whirlwind Christmas which I mostly didn’t enjoy because so many of the comfortable regulars weren’t around.I felt like quite a spoiler during Christmas eve gathering too because I just had no mood for anything.. photography being the least on my mind. I had this giant stone on my spirit which wouldn’t go away with thoughts on how to show my relatives love that they would come to know Christ. It is just so impossibly hard to live in your own Jerusalem and be the embodiment of Christ to our own families. Everything is under scrutiny form birth until now.. the effect of Christ (or the lack of it) is just so plain evident to them. Also, because we know them so well it is also so much more difficult to show love to someone who’s every move can be read like a book.

I spent pockets of time today thinking about how Christ would subject himself to come to sinful earth just for me. That’s like staying in Disneyland for eternity then suddenly having to leave and live in Somalia or something. And that’s just for me.  Just me! and how I’ve let him down over and over and presumed upon his grace without remorse. I felt bad. But feeling bad is not the end of it, there is always repentance I look to after the guilt, not self destruction. Painful, yes.. stupid feelings, yes..  but still blissful forgiveness and fellowship after.

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You’ve been too long out on your own
And He’s been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior’s blood
And called by name, daughter and son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness

Just passing thoughts.. passing through the day.

Then this one half amused me and got me thinking also

I mean, for a while I imagined in my mind what it would be like to be Sandra’s brother.

*a while*

THATS weird. hahaha..but that is the relationship we already have in Christ. We (everyone in church) address each other as brothers and sisters in Christ but we don’t really believe or act like it very much, probably only to those that are much closer to us. Haha, things would be very different if our relationship to our churchmates were perceived to be as un-replaceable, un-removeable, un-renounceable, non-negotiable as the blood you share with family. To accept each others’ unique ‘crazy’ and not go postal when someone does something that you don’t like.

Having been born (again) into the same family and sharing salvation paid for with the same blood of Christ. Lets all behave like how brothers and sisters should be. Yes, I know alot of  sibling relationships are not how they should be but well, we don’t model our ideals after the imperfect, we model them after the perfect standard already set before us. Haha..