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So I got a box today, my sister came up the stairs and said something like “hey, did you see this its yours” or something like that. I was like whoopie! “Is it from the Czech Republic?” and i took into my room, it looked something like that.

So what’s all this got to do with receiving the word you might think. Alot actually. Some thoughts crossed my mind as the box sat on the ground.

Am I this happy to receive the Word?

Haha.. what a spoiler for myself right. So can you think of something you receive with gladness more than the word?

The Question

I have found myself wondering this a couple of times the past few months. What does it usually indicate when a Christian starts to shrink away from others and try and isolate themselves purposefully, not to seek God or some other good reason like quieting down but just feels like shunning other people to be alone? Does it have something to do with their relationship with God?

The Symptoms

For me, it is accompanied by a loss of peace, lack of quiet moments with God and a total loss of interest in sharing the Gospel. Encouraging others goes out the window and so does the temper and patience. Grace suddenly vanishes from the vocabulary and is replaced with resentment in varying amounts. Some calm moments exist when I wonder about whats wrong with me but it quickly goes away and there is no time for conviction. Occasionally I squeeze out a kind face, some smiles and gentle words for people closer but still, nothing has really changed. Searching for answers is fruitless and frustrating and the difference between and genuine and non-genuine thoughts and feelings become less obvious. Service is something I wanna skip because I know I’m just wasting time serving in the flesh. In short I can safely say that in this state I have no fruit of the spirit, no love, no beattitudes. The flesh pwns.

The disease

*two weeks later* I still am clueless as to what the problem is. Perhaps it is un-surrender, perhaps it is a ignorance to my fleshly state and perhaps it is simply a lack of the basics of the Christian life which is praying and reading the bible. Whatever the case(s) it is a place where I don’t want to be, a disease I do not wish to submit myself to be aflicted by. Perhaps, this section is completely unimportant when compared to the next.

The Cure.

The cure for me was simply “looking unto Jesus”. So what do I mean in a practical sense? I stopped looking at myself and trying to figure out what was wrong. I submitted myself to his word and commands that are explicitly known. I made the choice to seek and was rewarded with finding. I made a choice and God saw it through. I didn’t get out because I was faithful, I got out of my mess because God was faithful.

All in all the past month has been a walk in the wilderness. I’m still not perfectly sorted out but I’m learning to rest in him. I hope this post will be a standing stone and a reminder to myself how great God’s faithfulness is.

As for anyone else who’s been wandering I hope you get things sorted out!

My day was quite good, as was yesterdays. Today I dropped by Sungei road and picked up 4 cameras. I actually would have  bought a couple more but I wasn’t willing to shell out so much cash at once. Camera repair is quite risky in the sense that you can buy a lemon and you’ve pretty much lost every cent you bought the camera for. Today was pretty good though, I already repaired and cleaned up one camera that will pay for the rest hopefully.

I’ve been thinking of how people thank God for the “good” things that happen to them. Sure, I scored 4 cameras today and can make a decent sum that lasts for 2 weeks to a month but is that “good” like in Genesis 1:10? Surely man and God agree on some things as being good, but I’m sure alot of things that are Good in God’s sight seem like torture to us. And of course stuff that is Good in our sight is really sometimes quite bad in God’s sight (Judges 17:6). Although there is nothing inherently sinful in material gain the love of material gain or almost anything else other than God is worldliness(1 John 2:15) and a possible further stretch, idolatry(Exodus 34:17).

On my last point, I wonder if is more accurate to say that worldliness is a form of idolatry. But idolatry in is literal form requires worship or a certain image or likeness. Now, we always say things like hobbies or people can become idols.. but that really isn’t true in the sense of the word unless a soccer fan sets up an alter with david beckham (or pele for that matter) as a likeness to be prayed to and bowed down to. I guess  strictly we really mean worldliness when we start to mis-prioritize and I guess it isn’t that big a deal that these 2 words lose its distinction. I guess its more like when people equate worldliness with having anything to do with the world. Which it does not make sense to conclude. Because the world wears trendy clothes, they drive cars, they have jobs, they engage in recreation, they acquire wealth. We are commanded not to love the world(1 John 2:15), not to purposely do the opposite of what everyone else.”oh if you wear this you are worldly” “if you listen to this music you are worldly” “If you watch this you are worldly”. We need no further definition of worldliness than “Loving something more than we love God”. Do you love anything more than you love your christian brother’s genuine sensitivities? if yes, then you are worldly.Do you have more energy to spend on some worldly secular activity? then yes, you are worldly. Because the spiritual man has no greater interest than in God himself and everything related to that end.

If you have a genuine clear conscience and have searched the scriptures with due diligence and are convinced in your own mind about something, forget the guy/gal who has been in church for 200 years and is still “stumbled” by your choice to dress a certain way or listen to certain things, he should move on and deal with it. But PLEASE, listen to the people who truly love you (you know who they are!) and not just those who say they do(1 john 3:18). If those who love you have something to say about the way you dress and what you listen to or watch you can be sure they really have your best interests at heart. You don’t necessarily have to follow their advice but at least you know it is from a true caring heart and not someone who’s just pushing their standards on you. Finally OBEY those who are in direct spiritual authority over you because well.. they watch over your souls and have to account for you and let them account with joy, not grief (Hebrews 13:17). That includes parents pastors and mentors. I believe it wouldn’t be far fetched to say the verse pre-assumes (yes, that’s where the word presume comes from) that whatever this spiritual authority is telling you is doctrine level truth from the bible which is indisputable, not matters of opinion.

So, what is good then? Haha.. I honestly still don’t know. For now I guess things that were explicitly stated as good or cause Godliness as an aftereffect can safely be said to be good and things inherently sinful and tempt to sin are bad. That’s such a general description. haha.. I’m glad we have intuition and don’t have to always work everything out logically in order to come to a conclusion. And there’s always the Holy Spirit to listen to anyway.. make sure you can hear him first though!

CHRIST is its grand subject, our good its design, and the glory of God its end.

I always wondered where this saying about the bible came from, first having heard it in a song about the Word with a propaganda-like over-the-sound-system segment together with many other sayings. Apparently its taken from the “The Gideons International, The New Testament, National Publishing Company, 1985, preface” a pretty nice sounding description of the bible. Of course you can nitpick and extend the saying to whatever it didn’t intend to say but I’ll just take it as it is.

Sometimes I feel like the only honest thing left in my world is an unadulterated photograph.

Well, I didn’t mean to parody my own saying but it was amusing to me to find holes in even what I said myself

It was a quick and whirlwind Christmas which I mostly didn’t enjoy because so many of the comfortable regulars weren’t around.I felt like quite a spoiler during Christmas eve gathering too because I just had no mood for anything.. photography being the least on my mind. I had this giant stone on my spirit which wouldn’t go away with thoughts on how to show my relatives love that they would come to know Christ. It is just so impossibly hard to live in your own Jerusalem and be the embodiment of Christ to our own families. Everything is under scrutiny form birth until now.. the effect of Christ (or the lack of it) is just so plain evident to them. Also, because we know them so well it is also so much more difficult to show love to someone who’s every move can be read like a book.

I spent pockets of time today thinking about how Christ would subject himself to come to sinful earth just for me. That’s like staying in Disneyland for eternity then suddenly having to leave and live in Somalia or something. And that’s just for me.  Just me! and how I’ve let him down over and over and presumed upon his grace without remorse. I felt bad. But feeling bad is not the end of it, there is always repentance I look to after the guilt, not self destruction. Painful, yes.. stupid feelings, yes..  but still blissful forgiveness and fellowship after.

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You’ve been too long out on your own
And He’s been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior’s blood
And called by name, daughter and son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness

Just passing thoughts.. passing through the day.

I saw some pretty amusing social interview thingys on my facebook

Then this one half amused me and got me thinking also

I mean, for a while I imagined in my mind what it would be like to be Sandra’s brother.

*a while*

THATS weird. hahaha..but that is the relationship we already have in Christ. We (everyone in church) address each other as brothers and sisters in Christ but we don’t really believe or act like it very much, probably only to those that are much closer to us. Haha, things would be very different if our relationship to our churchmates were perceived to be as un-replaceable, un-removeable, un-renounceable, non-negotiable as the blood you share with family. To accept each others’ unique ‘crazy’ and not go postal when someone does something that you don’t like.

Having been born (again) into the same family and sharing salvation paid for with the same blood of Christ. Lets all behave like how brothers and sisters should be. Yes, I know alot of  sibling relationships are not how they should be but well, we don’t model our ideals after the imperfect, we model them after the perfect standard already set before us. Haha..

“It takes a lot of courage to have complete trust”

I just saw that on someone’s facebook status. Short of saying its stupid, it’s actually closer to completely doesn’t make sense at all while looking profound.

The truth is, trust is built up over time and following that is knowledge of the person and a sense of whether that person is deserving of trust. When a person is responsible with another’s trust, it doesn’t take alot of courage at all to trust him/her. When the person is scum, trusting him takes stupidity, not courage.

Why do we trust our Jesus for our eternal life?

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.

1 John 5:13

Because we know from the bible he is able and willing.

Was listening to the Herbster’s “The Love of God” today and this line caught my ear

When men who here refuse to pray..

then I thought.. oh man that’s me! and it makes me sad. Alot sad.

Thankfully its not the end of the song! Because

God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

And its not just good to have his grace to rely on.. its imperative that I do.. haha.. so, does this describe you? If yes.. then lets start! if no.. then praise God for his grace so evident in your faithful prayer.

I had a great time being sick. I got so much rest the drowsy medicine had no effect on me and I probably managed to catch up on all the lost sleep I missed  since the beginning of the year. Other than the terrible body pains and complete confusion I was in for 2 days, the 39 degree fever burned through 2 kg of me.. not bad huh. Anyway I decided to get moving with my FYP again cos I’m quite behind now..

Just had some stray thoughts about stuff. About Colossians 2:6-23, 1 Samuel 16:7, Matthew 23:27. All this not really in regard to how free we are or what we can do but rather how blind we are to our own state and to others’ state around us because we apply our own set of measurements and metrics to measure another person instead of valuing what God values. How do you measure the immeasurable? and see the insides only God can see? Do we only see what we want to see? The way we only see the good things in our friends and the bad things in the “cannot-make-it cases”? See how someone has hurt us instead of seeing our own over-sensitivity and unforgivness? Hmmm. Time to put on some “Jesus glasses” and see ourselves (and others) how Jesus would have seen them. Here are some things he saw very differently for starters.

• Matthew 14:14
• Matthew 16:23
• Luke 10:40-42
• Luke 23:34
• Matthew 19:14
• Matthew 5:2-11

Well, not God’s love in the salvation and life context but in living out God’s love through you very own life. The most common forms of expressing love which I miss out commonly is being patient, gentle and kind. Those are the very things love is made of and I find myself running short of everything when I do not consciously acknowledge or simply forget that I am unable to do these things without plugging myself into God’s reservoir of Love.

Man does not have enough Love to share with anyone else, even with those closest to him. Sure, you might have enough for a while but when the going get tough it runs out.

Remember today to plug yourself into God’s Love and reserves by acknowledging your limits and by appropriating God’s love (making it your own) so that you will be able to shower it on others the way he did on us.