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My life has slowed down alot these days. I only manage to do one or two things each day, then the end of the day is here. I don’t get alot of things packed together and I kinda enjoy it like that. Each day passes faster and faster and I seem to be moving in slow motion in comparison. Another thing I’ve noticed is that I mostly get things done before deadlines and though I am still as apathetic towards consequences. I generally get things done early not because I am afraid I will miss the deadline, I am more afraid of all the work converging and getting overwhelmed. The nice side effect of avoiding overwhelming work is well.. getting things done early!

Getting things done early is great. It costs money to do things last minute(think of anything express.. costs much more)! It also usually costs more time and stress, totally not worth it. Nowadays (without planning) I space out my work completion dates around. Staying up today till 3am just to get one thing done early means one thing less tomorrow. And If i stay up till 3am tomorrow, I’ll be thankful I finished whatever I did today at 3am. Things stacking up in the urgent list definitely reduces the quality, speed and efficiency of your work as well.. something to consider.

I currently juggle FYP, project 1, project 2, maintaining a website or two, taking and processing photos, some adhoc jobs here and there. I’ve been blessed to have a photoshoot with some NTU hall committee this sunday afternoon. It’ll be an interesting start to my pseudo side-career as a photographer. Come to think of it, I haven’t been obsessive in finding work and experience as many other successful people I’ve seen on the net.

I need to do a birthday post and all the crazy things that happened but I’m flooded with work. Haha.. I really kinda enjoyed my day. Slow and easy as well. Going off to bed! Going to put back together a lens I cannot completely take apart.. that’s never happened before.. haha.. Borrowing a 105 and 135mm nikon manual lens for some testing for Sunday’s job. Been wanting to get my clarinet back too. Composed a short piece of music for one of my modules and realised maybe I’m wasting away my time on other things. haha.. sigh.. Still haven’t sorted out my thoughts about the christian and music, every hardline point of view seems like nonsense to me and nothing has been truely convincing after 12 years of involvement. I’d like to put up some photos but I think I’ll stick with text for a while.

Besides being all awake at this unearthly hour, its also worth noting that I’m feeling weird all over. I got up at ten but until now just don’t seem to be able to sleep. How torturous is that? So I’m doing some FYP and reading. My mid term break already started and I kinda have quite a few things to hand up after its done.

I wish I could pick up some you tiao and soya bean at this time but I don’t think that’s possible. Had a good lunch, dinner and I think I won’t be awake for tomorrow’s lunch. Sigh. Time’s just running too fast for me to do any catch up. I think I’ve already been overwhelmed without knowing it. haha.. at least it doesn’t feel bad and I have my head screwed on straight.

I think I might also feel like making a life is pretty complicated as opposed to being handed a role and pre-set instructions for everything. Off I go now. Maybe after abit more work my body will fall into line and sleep before the sun rises.

I’ve been doing many things which mostly consist of school related stuff. Just went for RT at the wrong time.. haha.. thought its 4pm like Sunday but its actually 6pm so here I am back home trying to squeeze in some work and at the same time scan in a roll I just finished. This roll is speacial, picked it up at sungei road.. didn’t think it would be exposed but it actually is!! Hallf expected that so I’m not so suprised… almost thought its not my roll when I went to collect.  haha.. so here are my photos.. overlapping photos of this guy’s daughter.. or some small kid which I do’t know who.. shall upload some later. Basically the whole first half are double exposures.. heh, interesting. Okay! back to computer networks and economics!

..am I?

Well, I’m like buried in crazy work. I’m half thinking its cos I was a little slack. Still, it didn’t look so much when I was slacking. I shall be off to sleep now so I can get up early. Planned out my part of the project but still quite lost as to how to execute. Jialat. My mind can’t be bothered about everything else in my life. Its just constantly thinking about project and FYP. haha..

Its been really a great week (despite all my complaining), I’m not sure why I think so looking back. Maybe its been a nice day thats why. Started out quite slow because I was so so tired from sleeping late for no good reason. I have comitted to sleeping earlier before but I guess its a cycle that you continuously sleep late because the body clock is confused. Had a nice time with the young guys during discussion although it was pretty one way.

I just went thru my photo of the day post category. I must say.. I think I like more of my olympus shots than the Canon G9. At the same time, alot of good shots were taken with the  G9 too..  hmm.. dunno la, I don’t think i’ve found the magic way to handle it yet. Trying in-camera desaturation and muting of colors. Think it give my photos a muted, more somber look.

I just came back from a run too. My knee feels weird and I hope I don’t break it so soon or anything like that, ended up walking. Hello, I need some running buddy! How come all so busy and missing? Shall go shower now that I’ve cooled down.

I’m having the feeling I get when I cannot fix something. Also because there are outstanding tasks that I cannot accomplish. I feel like my degree is a fake and I’ll graduate without knowing anything real and concrete so whats the real point? Get a pretend degree to get a job that’s unrelated? Just doesn’t sound like a logical plan to me. Anyhow its just a couple of insurmountable tasks thats getting to me.

1. Produce some tangible work for FYP report and presentation
2. Finish Assignment due tomorrow
3. Finish some mad Java programming

Its like 3 things only and I can spend days on just trying to do somethin gfor #3. I just found out about #2 yesterday and #1 is just.. I have no idea what to show my prof. Not to mention the quiz that had no anouncement but everyone seemed to know about on monday. I kinda hate studying all of a sudden and want to quit. Abit worse than year 2 man. K la.. going to go out already. Better go shower. Feel like just sleeping and don’t hand in assignment.

Oh last thing thats very annoying is my G9 has been problem since day 1. Now it cannot focus propelrly. I’m over-fed-up already. I don’t think there’s a word for it actually. Over-fed-up will have to do for now.

And the Sohs just left my place. Wah, feel terribly tired and all after getting up halfway last night and after this morning’s FBI. Things are going to be hanging for quite a while in my life and I’m going to let it be. Going to seek out some people from the past to see where my future probably ends up.

History just repeats itself and we don’t have to look very far to have a peek into the future.

Looking into the far future just seems quite daunting. Thankfully, I only have to make one choice at a time.

Life doesn’t exist in binary.. on or off, 1 or 0, true or false, right or wrong. Its a dreadful way to live.

I need the peace to quit. I know I won’t get it but I think its my turn to give up and take a rest. I wish I could pity myself, tell myself I deserve it or just be escapist, let myself be and remain inert, indifferent, uninterested. Finally after so long in the cooker and telling people they belong there since God has in a manner allowed this to happen.. I think I’ll quit being in the cooker. I still believe it but have no will to carry on. Maybe I have been grossly mistaken about that and the cooker isn’t the only place to be. Don’t talk to me anymore. Anyone. I am not interested and refuse to be anymore. I am going to pretend nothing is happening. Its just saddening. There is no crusade for truth here. Just mere men in their flesh on every side.

I will not be.. discouraged from my own walk and maybe for a while, I’d like like to take the hand of my precious Lord, walk with him and cry to him. Listen to him and talk with him. Perhaps when he straightens me out, then I’ll be ready to face men again.

For everything I’ve been able to enjoy so far in life.

The gift of photos..

Went to school and got myself registered at DSI then I dropped off film today. The lady who did my paperwork was this pretty, feels and looks young but you know she’s not so young kind (maybe 30s?) and very soft spoken. Had a semi-big rock on her left ring finger. Kinda reminds me of CK’s wife minus the rock.

I’m collecting my pictures on Friday after school, just in time for the weekend. $11 each roll is relatively cheap. Actually its not that expensive to shoot fresh film. A roll or two a month is about $20? Hmmm. I expect it to decrease due to decreasing consumption of film as the exams come. Of course, it could go the other way too due to stress. haha.. I have some ideas for the next roll of film and beyond already. Would like my work to be a little more value add to my own and other’s lives.

This was posed..

Today’s an early rest day. Shall take a walk once my parents come back. Pick up some printed photos and work on something for my mom who has been working so hard.

One word sums up the agenda and notes man – “EPIC”. Its got enough material for at least 4 movies.. Okay that was a arbitrary number I admit. Anyway, whats not arbitrary is that I just walked 8.29km! To William’s place to hand him present and then back again. Quite far loh.. took 2 hours. A feat that deserves “EPIC” pasted all over it too. Last EPIC I promise.. just one more: Well, EPIC in progress. Me and YX have been together for quite a while now that it raises some eyebrows from my friends. When we can make the church people raise eyebrows then our relationship reach EPIC status already.

I’ll be back! In a couple of minutes.. Shall write one not so epic post in a while but still, a sizeable thing I expect.