My eyes are sooo tired. Other than gluing the boat, changing the maid (thats a whole story in itself) I spent alot of today browsing through jobs online, DBS, Bank of America, looking at the classifieds and still came up with nothing really much. The DBS site has tons of stuff but wading through it is crazy. Applied for one and carry on looking through tomorrow. Shall do a small shoot with William tomorrow at night for our resumes and just stupid stuff like that. Now I’m really quite frustrated already with this. I’m trying to find what I really want to do and all the conflicting interests in my mind just can’t seem to prioritize themselves. I shall list a few.
I love to teach, but its super dead end with regards to doing something else in future and if I go now it almost seems like a first and final career. The starting pay is good but like every govt job the pay stagnates when you get more senior unless you are a high flyer.
I like to take photos and the enquiries here and there from my ads are honestly making me halfhearted when I apply for a stable job because each one makes me feel like photography is feasable. I feel that with enough learning, time and ads I can make it because honestly when I look at what I have to offer I think it is substantial and worth enough money. If I do this every week and every month I will get better and my pay goes up each time. But the bummer here is time.. Most successful photographers take 2 or more years to get a stable pay and not worry where the next job will come. I don’t want to invest time and have it fail. You can say I am scared to fail. Then I will have to start from here again.. where I am currently. I would be older and slightly outdated.
I wouldn’t mind a stable job and a paymaster so I know I have money coming in each month on a certain date and my career moves up and on regularly if I pay attention to it. I don’t need to worry about where the next job is coming or have to be a one man company. I just do the same job, over and over and over again and get very good at it, collect my pay and enjoy myself when I’m not working. Being a guy doesn’t this seem like the safest option? i mean, just after teaching, which I think I will never ever tire of?
How man how? I feel triple minded. All of them call out to me for all the different reasons. I feel so frustrated its like going to explode in my head.
So why am I in a hurry when I can part-time and ad-hoc my way through life? perhaps its multiple pressures from different sources, my desire to move on in life, others’ perceptions. Sigh. Honestly if I were single and staying that way, I think I’d be in very much less of a hurry and go for #2. #3 will surely most desirably preceed #1 but in the end.. I predict #1 will come to pass. I am seriously not
Ultimately, I am chasing money, which happens to be in the way of chasing the rest of my life. I really don’t care what I do, money is just the means. Job satisfaction almost means nothing to me at this point in life. Its just something people complain about because they have nothing else to complain about.
I don’t really know what to pursue.. and its slowly getting to me.