Sometimes I feel like the only honest thing left in my world is an unadulterated photograph.
Well, I didn’t mean to parody my own saying but it was amusing to me to find holes in even what I said myself
It was a quick and whirlwind Christmas which I mostly didn’t enjoy because so many of the comfortable regulars weren’t around.I felt like quite a spoiler during Christmas eve gathering too because I just had no mood for anything.. photography being the least on my mind. I had this giant stone on my spirit which wouldn’t go away with thoughts on how to show my relatives love that they would come to know Christ. It is just so impossibly hard to live in your own Jerusalem and be the embodiment of Christ to our own families. Everything is under scrutiny form birth until now.. the effect of Christ (or the lack of it) is just so plain evident to them. Also, because we know them so well it is also so much more difficult to show love to someone who’s every move can be read like a book.
I spent pockets of time today thinking about how Christ would subject himself to come to sinful earth just for me. That’s like staying in Disneyland for eternity then suddenly having to leave and live in Somalia or something. And that’s just for me. Just me! and how I’ve let him down over and over and presumed upon his grace without remorse. I felt bad. But feeling bad is not the end of it, there is always repentance I look to after the guilt, not self destruction. Painful, yes.. stupid feelings, yes.. but still blissful forgiveness and fellowship after.
Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shameOh heart of mine, come back home
You’ve been too long out on your own
And He’s been there all along
Watching for you down the roadSo come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you areOh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior’s blood
And called by name, daughter and son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness
Just passing thoughts.. passing through the day.