ThisCowIsPurple.com

Anyone seen my ESV? can’t seem to find it.. haha..

93.2kg. So the long way down begins again. This time it’ll be permanent.

Hot & Cold..

light temperatures in the same scene make it so nice.. the sky was lovely and the evening quiet. A little flare from the lamppost but no big deal.. From the venerable Olympus C5050, still the only camera which I like so so much. It gives photos not full of sharpness and quality but somehow it makes me take photos with a different life and character. Sadly its just too antiquated to take pictures of anything moving. My bro says there is a Nikon D5000 with my name on it somewhere but liveview on dslr still too gross to adopt.  I shall try it out when it comes out..

I <3 Vege!

Interesting,  I was just listening to some CCM and here came this line:

What this world needs is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance
Blending in so well that people can’t see the difference
And it’s the difference that sets the world free

Besides the last line being technically wrong (what it alludes to is really quite right), what I thought was interesting is the fact that they also understand that relevance should not be an excuse to be worldly. Which leads to the next, greater, more cantankerous problem of defining worldly. Which really needs a post in itself. Maybe another time..

So now that my bro is 743892 years old things are different already in numerous ways too many to tell. Going to head out early probably to take photos for my cousin then head over to pasir ris post office to collect my giant torch before his wedding! Bringing lotsa stuff! Wish I had a d80 but I settled for a 450D, a Rolleiflex T and maybe an action sampler. hahaha.. Fun fun fun.. but I can’t forget I have to study study as well..Going to try and clear massive amounts of stuff next week and in between the many things happening this weekend.

There are always two sides to a coin. Without an absolute, there is no certainty as to what is right or wrong and trying to view anything from both angles always results in a chicken and egg question slapped in your face. Beyond just the temporal issues of which came first, most things have more than just one dimension to the question.

Is the expecting wrong? or is insisting that there be no expecting wrong? And if love is given, can it be expected? Can anyone actually expect someone to love them? Can I expect someone to love me? Further, is it reasonable to respond to expectations of love? 1 John 4:7-21 Seems to be quite clear about why we should love each other — because God first loved us. Therefore, the question is probably not “should people love me” but perhaps more like “should I love others” , a clear “yes” without question. Perhaps I need to start asking the right questions.

I’ve never felt self-loathing and self-hate until tonight. Honestly, looking at a video of myself and the pile of notes in front of me, I feel fat, stupid and unable to graduate and its completely not funny to me.  Its sad. And yet despite how supposedly pitiful it sounds, it is all still just self and the flesh. The problem is not self-esteem.. for if men hated themselves they would not seek their own good and pleasure. The problem is people love themselves too much.. I love myself too much and there is no space for another. The capacity to love comes only from God. Only from the Vine can the branches bear love, patience and self-control.. without which we are just dead branches, good for nothing but burning.

So, from starting this post with no direction and just really talking to God here,  I’m thankful he has guided my thoughts and heart in a meaningful way. I have changed my view of complaining.. I believe even complaining (not in itself) can glorify God, when I allow him to correct me and show me his view of the world and syncronizing my thoughts with his. So many of our complaints are old.. looks at how many things solomon and david complained and thought about.. truely nothing is really new under the sun and the answers are all there. Sigh.. I don’t know how to do what I know to do now and its killing me. I’m so stupid to let things get this far and stubbornly dig in instead of giving in. stupid stupid stupid..

I’ve been doing many things which mostly consist of school related stuff. Just went for RT at the wrong time.. haha.. thought its 4pm like Sunday but its actually 6pm so here I am back home trying to squeeze in some work and at the same time scan in a roll I just finished. This roll is speacial, picked it up at sungei road.. didn’t think it would be exposed but it actually is!! Hallf expected that so I’m not so suprised… almost thought its not my roll when I went to collect.  haha.. so here are my photos.. overlapping photos of this guy’s daughter.. or some small kid which I do’t know who.. shall upload some later. Basically the whole first half are double exposures.. heh, interesting. Okay! back to computer networks and economics!

Camera Hate

She’s so funny. Ran away from the camera as usual.

..am I?

Well, I’m like buried in crazy work. I’m half thinking its cos I was a little slack. Still, it didn’t look so much when I was slacking. I shall be off to sleep now so I can get up early. Planned out my part of the project but still quite lost as to how to execute. Jialat. My mind can’t be bothered about everything else in my life. Its just constantly thinking about project and FYP. haha..