Nothing Satisfies
Nothing really satisfies! ha.. We all know that for the seeming fact that it is. To notice it in real life though, I must be pretty low already. Maybe thats why I’m eating now. Eating, is one of the most instant ways to make yourself feel better. To satisfy a need that is not related to hunger or bodily function. It somehow conflicts with my goal of reducing my body weight another 12kg but I do it anyway.
Anyways, I met up with some army buddies over dinner at suntec pizza hut. It was nice reminiscing old times.
I feel almost old. Its funny to see people move on in life and do things they never thought they would. My friend now listens to class 95 despite thinking it was very “uncle” last time (now he thinks Gold 90FM is uncle). They’ve all moved beyond the clubbing scene and some even think of settling down next year in marriage already. As I hitched a ride back I was thinking “We’re all not getting any younger” and now as I sit here I’m thinking “before you know it some of us are going to start dying”.
I was reading newspapers about teen suicides and found out there were 21 in 2002. Hmmm.. its weird to know that an acquaintance contributed to that number and how de-humanising it is to condense his death as a statistic. One out of the 21. That was abit off topic but it just came to mind.
I was thinking about street evangelism and the other ministries of the church and how we should approach these. Like.. if the purpose of the church was to evangelise and to disciple.. then how ineffective we have been! But at the same time, the other ministries like music, ladies, men, youth, pa, website, young adults, small groups. How all these are still about people and how we have somehow lost our way. If not anyone else, then I have at least.
It can’t be that the whole church be involved in the main arm of evangelism like street e but then, it is obvious that we cannot evangelise to many without doing that (street e). For those who do not attend street e, they would have to treat evangelism as a lifestyle to not fall under disobedience to the command to evangelise. Like, talking to people on the bus, the MRT and pretty much everywhere they go. And I really think thats the way to go. Honestly, how many do that? And how many even so called “senior” members of the church do that? Share your testimony only through lifestyle? lies! if you never even approach people, how would they ever know except by divine appointment to talk to you about Christ? Is this excuse of sharing through one’s testimony just that? an excuse? to make ourselves feel better that we are passively doing something at least?
The flesh has to be destroyed daily. And not just daily, its like.. every minute and hour for me. The blood for our sins and the cross for our flesh. I’ve always said “what a difference a day makes” and its really true! What it means to appropriate something still escapes me in practice. Oh my.
My head is FILLED with thoughts. I think I’m going to flip out and go mad. Among those thoughts is a hole in myself which I have thought about many times today and yesterday about how I am to fill it. Not actually how, but rather what to choose.
Also, I’m not done thinking and searching about what to do with struggling brothers. Just talked to ZG about how the existence of God cannot be conclusively proven nor disproven and therefore it is a huge obstacle to myself about why we should all believe it. Honestly, although I’ve talked to others about it in a very convincing and convicted manner, I still remain.. un-absolutely sure. How the convenience of a truth does not negate its truthfulness and how proof from empirical evidence is such an obsession as far as the human race is concerned. How it being a “heart issue” has no bearing on the truthfulness of a statement and really, doesn’t answer the question but avoids it instead. How convenient. But then, being convenient doesn’t mean its wrong.
Argh. just had this splitting feeling at the back of my left eye. Shall go sleep. Wah, I feel like this has really been a big mind dump. In a sense that its really just.. nothing but whats been in my mind over the last day or so.
Tags: thoughts