ThisCowIsPurple.com

I just read the post before this. I think Proverbs 28:13 is something I need to really apply.

Anyway, today was as birthdays are. Messages came in as usual (but not taken forgranted). In order of appearance:

1. +6592275700 (Thanks, although I dunno who you are.. haha.. you din reply la!)
2. William
3. Eunice
4. Liying
5. My bro
6. Sandra
7. Weijie
8. Jeremy
9. Oswald
10. Jie
11. Bernice
12. Shulin
13.  Dad
14. My San Yi
15. Charissa
16. Zhao Ru
17. Timothy Lee
18. Darren
19. Angela
20. Darrell

Thanks to one and all. I ate at Marmalade Pantry just now. It was just a nice quiet dinner. Haha.. I really like nice quiet dinners.

My boat’s still rocking from the days before so I guess I’d say I’m quite fortunate to have lived the life I have. Just 4 and a half years of blogging will show anyone how much God has worked in my life. Even through all that I still feel so lousy, like I haven’t progressed at all. It would greatly comfort me to spout everything I feel thats wrong about me now but its kinda no point and unedifying. Just maybe some simple prayer things I could list out.

1. I am still looking for that elusive daily abiding relationship. I’m really lousy at doing things consistently.
2. I am still looking for that elusive 24/7 connected prayer life. I’m terrible at focusing my mind on one thing.

After so many years I’ve come to realise this is something no christian has or ever will have”gotten past” because its.. just something you can’t get past anymore than you getting past the law of gravity on your own. I need to be like that glove in pastor’s anniversary sermon illustration and I need to let God control me. And it all boils down to little decisions and sins I commit. Oh man.. I’ve grown like so cold and callus over the past couple of months again. The old old story.. is old once more. I’m not interested in God. I serve because its who I am. I’ve been terribly brutal with the truth on occasion. What a difference 9 months makes in my life! I shall go read my own writing once more, the thoughts I had when I just came back from the Spiritual Awakening conference. I feel like I’ve fallen asleep.. and there has been no friend to spur me on.

Hi darren, if you’re reading this we really need to get cracking soon before the desire goes away. It always seems that life deals me difficult times and trying circumstance to discourage me from doing anything. I’m going to die in another 50 years if I’m unlucky enough to live that long. Thats not long enough to serve God fully.

Lastly, instead of shying away from these circumstances and difficult times, I want God to throw them at me until I pass the test and become something that he can use. I want more irritating people in my life. I want more difficult modules. I want more loneliness. I want more stress. But most of all, I want more of God to take me through all this and teach me. Without all this, I’m going to be so useless. Die already have nothing to show for this life.

*Phew*

I shall go shower and then sleep. Have a test tomorrow at 6:30-7:30 pm then going to have dinner with YX. I must say.. I really appreciate what she’s been to me. I want God to bless our relationship and teach us. I’m kinda looking forward to the 6 months away. When she’s back I can “get to know her all over again” as dency says the same about my bro who’s been away for a month. No gushing lovey dovey for her over here, just a solid appreciation.

Tags: 2007, Birthday, Friends & Family, Personal-Thoughts, Sharing, thoughts

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007 at 12:06 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.