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I am totally overwhelmed and out of control of my commitments and time in my life. Maybe thats why I’ve been so listless and down for the past 2 days. I simply cannot finish everything. I’ve spent a couple of minutes committing my time and tasks to the Lord, knowing he’ll take care of me.

I feel like I am less and and less in church even though I’m physically still there. I go for service.. then down to macs to study, spend the crazy non-existent lunch hour practising for another person’s wedding, maintaining things around church and well, eating with whatever time’s left. Spend 3 hours at FBI, I admit its very half heartedly I do it nowadays.

I just totally gave up singing today. I felt like I had to stop doing stuff and sit down to eat so I wouldn’t suddenly shout at somebody or smash something. When uncle Kwai Sang started nagging me about the projector and how it droppped again in the early morn I felt like taking it and smashing it on the floor in front of him and say like “LOL! projector got pwned baby!! wHOOOOOooooo!!!! now we don’t have to take care of it anymore!”. Of course, it sound exciting in the mind. Prob not so great in real life and more stupid when you sit around and think of it. Why, I might as well spend the $1000 buying myself a $400 22″ LCD and use the leftover $600 to get an ipod (got new ones.. wah lau.. temptation).

Its these little things that make me wonder, why am I so busy? What will come of it? Does it really matter? The past few days people have been doing what I usually do alone. I’m really glad in some sense. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one who is able to do all these things (eg. bring and setup the piano, do some maintenace on the computers, sing bass, manage website). I’m so sick of all that. I’m formally releasing my control to God. If everything screws up, its not my fault anymore. Speaking of website, I broke it real bad this time. I can’t be bothered to fix it up now, just trying a rollback to a lower version of wordpress - if it can’t work then forget it.

I want to complain! sigh.. (done: thanks bernice).

I shall go do some variations on the cantata flier that needs to be done by tomorrow and printed for sunday.

Benji is not dead! Contrary to what I’ve been thinking the last month or two. He wrote a little over at his blog.

Hey!!

I just wanted to tell you guys I have not forgotten all of you ok? =) School started and it has been buzy buzy buzy.

How is everyone doing?

I have been deeply burdened more to pray for BFC recently. I am praying for REVIVAL!

Do pray for me as the cold weather is coming once again! Well, chunghowe has gotten nearer to me.. haha but it’s like a 40 hour drive down for here!

I think I am going to call him soon today.

I will try to send a longer email here soon.

Tell YH to post this up properly for me.. I know I should do this more often but it’s hard because… it’s just not easy to find time i can spend in a computer lap to type a letter to you all. I spend like 10-15 min in the com lap most of the time.

Take care my friends!

Love in Christ,
Benji

Quite quiet day. Woke up with a start cos the starhub guy came to deliver and install the new modem. Then after that I went with my dad to ikea to find a suitable thing to mount it above my door cos we decided there was the best place due to the signal strenth from the SCV tv point compared to upstairs. In the end we got a thick wire thing we bent into a holder shape. He drilled it in while I was at church anniversary practise. Speaking of which, it was super fast and like.. wa man, just practise a little while. Its the first time I’m not singing though. It frees me up to do the tech stuff in such a more relaxed state. Went for dinner after with dency, yx and ther cherns minus the little chern. Ate unti like super full. Now at my heaviest I’m only 93! haha.. and the lowest weight I’ve recorded is 90.7 so far.

Oh well, I’m going to rest. Have to go early to church and read scripture. I feel my life is like a super SUPER flat line now and its really dreary. Like I have no interest in anything at all or drive to do anything. Sigh.

Check it out! Super near la! ony 2.5hrs drive..

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Got recording later for altos and I’m today’s ears. Guess david and eunice quite sian already man. haha.. Bass did 2hrs 45 min, wonder how altos will do. I’m really quite tired. slept at 9 last night but didn’t really feel refreshed when I woke. It just felt like a long long bad sleep. Went to school to sleep on 3 chairs put together from 740 until 9 when my lecture started. Goodness, I sat at the same spot for the next 5 hours. Left at 2 to eat then came home.

I have work, quite abit of it. Going to listen lecture now! ha.. Have to catch up and prepare for 2 or 3 quizzes. Can’t remember how many.

more about it here

I made a wallpaper! haha.. Was sitting in lecture a day or two ago and thought that the “T” in “STRENGTH” could extend to become a cross. Wrote it down and did it while waiting for joann to come online. She’s taking real long.. I think I must go sleep soon..

For widescreen resolutions

For normal resolutions

I’m back from monday ballgames! This time I really really exercised, feel my whole body just huffing anf puffing.. super unfit la.. The strength and speed still there.. just no stamina at all. Talked to everyone a while after we all got done with exercise. Its nice.. I think life presents itself in different ways to people and they all take it in different ways but still, the same things happen over and over again due to our sinful nature. Its incredible how people grow as they get older, one day we are naive, and the next day we are.. well, still naive but abit less than the day before. Everyone is still learning, learning, learning.. I must never forget:

“God’s been patient with you, why can’t you be patient with them?”

haha..  oh well. Less slamming and more love i guess. I remember I posted that somewhere in the past (here it is!!). I guess I forgot. Ha.. Maybe thats why although when I’m obviously right, nobody really likes to listen still. Maybe Love is the x-factor thats just missing.

My 10 minutes is up! I shall stop blogging. Oh, btw, I managed to hit 90.6kg that day. Oh man.. I can’t wait for the time I see 89 on the scale. I’ll be over the moon.

I had a funny but wonderful day.

1. Went to church, sermon about spiritual gifts was familiar but still, good listening. I have to go back and hear the end. was totally stoning. Not sleeping, stoning and daydreaming.
2. Had another funny time with Ming Yong and PS. went down for a drink during sunday sch when I actually intended to study at macs. We had a good chat. Makes me feel more realistic and down to earth when you talk to them who have been working for quite a number of years.
3. After that I went back to church for rehearsal.. ended up taking lotsa photos for the cantata publicity. Its tough.. but I hope the concept will come out soon this week.
4. Did FBI.
5. Had alot of things in my head, made some weird choices and statements to various people through the day.
6. Went for dinner with david, cc, mom, dad, dency at a japanese restaurant at vivo.
7. Discovered PAGEONE. Its ultra cool!!! so many design resources.. all sitting there on shelves to read.
8. Tire was completely flat on driving out. Quickly changed tires and got back on the road. Volvo is a wonderful carmaker. Totally idiot proof tire changing stuff.

Yep, that kinda sums it up. I have a lab in the morning, going to ask some questions and try to complete my program. Sigh.. its really so TOUGH. Then after this if i’m not wrong we’re going to program the chip directly! oh man.. so cool.. if only the language and logic was not so hard.

I have to achieve personal holiness. At least, to whatever extent is humanly possible and leave the rest to God. Of course, which effectively means leave everything to God. Then again, some free will is required right? I dunno la.. just know if I don’t do that, I’ll forever be relegated to just doing these mundane technical nonsense in church which contributes, but in and of themselves has no real use/value/purpose. I want to be a part of the ORIGINAL functions of a church. Discipleship and Evangelism. Over simplification? maybe.. but in essence, be directly involved in these two.

For the first time I’m saying it out, discipleship is on my mind: both getting and giving it. Nothing can take its place.. not bible study, not youth meetings. It doesn’t have to be formal but I’m looking to achieve the above before embarking on this thing. I don’t care how long it takes to prepare me.. a third of my life is over, I want the other two to count. How about you?

I just realised I have a couple of things to do during the weekend.

1. Rest
2. Finish a small program in assembly language
3. FInish reading FBI

I think number 1 and 3 are impossible to complete.