My Turn
Well, its my turn to get emo-ing (in this context describing reminiscing and stuff like that). Though I’d join in and all. Haha.. no la. I’m honestly thinking abit. Its just.. hai. Like.. I don’t know, unspeakable things that only my God understands and though he knows it all he still loves me and I just had the thought that everyone could be loving each other (and/or me) out of ignorance. I mean, seriously, if we knew everything about each other we’d be so grossed out and hypocritical about it all.
Listening to that now. haha.. old song from sec sch. Mononoke Hime. The tenor’s sound is so dark and subdued, nice.
Anyway, I wonder what would happen if everyone decided to like.. “showhand” and just lay everything out bare with everyone else. Imagine the freedom.. and of course, the repercussions from the hypocrites.
Some more from teh same guy. THere’s a clarinet somewhere in the back accompanying..
Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who thinks what I think. I know for a fact I’m not cos I see the fruit of these thoughts around me ever so often. Newspapers, friends, relatives.. The truth of the matter is there. How then not to end up in the same state as these people? Somehow I always come back to the “abiding principle” that we really don’t need to think or worry about how we’ll do tomorrow. And that we just have to trust God today, here and now to be right with him in the present and future.. How then can I free myself from these things? I can’t. Its kinda disturbing to place your entire present and future into another’s hands.
“He who holds us in his hands.. has no problems only plans.. he who has control of all.. sees the smallest sparrow fall”
And though I’ve trusted him with my eternity I still don’t give up the present. Half of me wants to cling on to the very idea of these seemingly innocent thoughts.. the other half wants to be free from thinking of all the possible permutations and possible outcomes. Oh man… this brings me to an easier thought life which plays out in my mind all the time which I can reveal to kinda illustrate what I’m saying. Things you see on ally mcbeal and scrubs, the stuff of daydreams.
Darren described me as the hulk. If I could turn green and smash someone when I got annoyed I would. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I don’t do that. Sometimes I do smash people in my head though. Its really hate (and murder) in disguise, trying to justify itself by telling me the person really deserves it and he had it coming. My teeth clench when I think these things and thats usually when I start to notice its like going out of control. Thats usually when I decide to release the anger. *unclench teeth* *think of other things*. Sometimes I release the anger, but the anger doesn’t release me for a couple of hours or even days. Thats really the toughest part of the fight. Letting God get rid of the anger for me.
Well, I’m thinking I should go rest. No mood to work at all! sigh.. MY project is going to be a total wreck.
Shall leave you with one final joe hiashi composition.
Tags: Personal-Thoughts, Sharing, thoughts
September 29th, 2007 at 8:51 am
eh the last video.. that guy. is he the one that composed the piano opening for “laputa” ? the studio ghibli that one ? anyway. hang in there ! keep striving for His great glory. wah and i also wonder how it’d be like if everyone just “show-hand.” haha.
September 29th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Yeah.. that botak boy is Joe Hisashi himself! Did alot of work for studio ghibli.