Having Good Relationships
This post is so titled because after supper with yx and her two friends, I started talking about her friend’s boyfriend and how they are. It struct me that alot of the “common” problems are really.. common! haha.. Like lack of communication -”He’s supposed to know!!” among other things.
Long story short, I kinda talked really fast in that short trip from changi v to home about how to have an ideal relationship with her boyfriend. How do I know whats ideal? Lets just say if I don’t know what ideal is in my mind, how do I even work towards it? So.. I do have an ideal based on God’s standard, translated into everyday action by my little mind.
So.. As I was showering, I kinda realised that alot of these so called ideal behaviours and communication skills and non-quarrelsome relationships really start way in advance of the actual relationship. Even before you meet the girl (or guy). It starts at home with family, it starts in school with friends and it doesn’t finish anytime after you get together. The way you are brought up to see yourself is in my opinion, the very most important. If you fail to recognize the fact that you are not perfect and always right, you’ll always have problems. Self pride is also a killer in a sense that it prevents you from letting go of small offenses that really don’t matter and turns them into relationship destroying reasons. “I’m getting a divorce! my husband refuses to squeeze the toothpaste from the middle!” Well, its not so ridiculous in real life.. but maybe.. breaking up because your boyfriend doesn’t “check in” even though he has a legitimate reason, getting all angry cos he didn’t pick up within 3 rings of his phone… yeah, things like that.
People should never say the words NEVER and ALWAYS and I TOLD YOU SO. Or anything to that effect. Its a killer.
- “He NEVER picks up my calls!!”
- “He ALWAYS lidat one!!”
- “SEEEEEEEEEEE! Moron la you!! I told you SOOOOOOOO.”
Honestly, nobody likes to admit they are wrong. The longer you don’t admit it, the harder it gets to admit it. Especially after you’ve already finished with the silent treatment, pouting face, argument and the works. After that, apologising is like totally impossible and the issue is left to fester somewhere under the bed or in the closet.
Lastly, emotions are great, and so are expectations. Managing them is crazy. I think one has to ask “Is this emotion/expectation/behaviour productive, does it enhance this relationship or does it add value to the other party and not just me?’ Chances are that if the answer is no, you had better change that emotion/expectation/behaviour right away before it becomes like what I meantioned in the paragraph above.
Well, I find it weird that I can talk so much. Do I really know so much? I really think so leh. Not as in.. I know alot cos I’m smart but I’ve been brought up and taught so well that all these common mistakes are so clear when they appear on my part and solving them is second nature. I hope this was helpful to you.
Done in ten minutes! Incredible. *pats my own back*
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