Overwhelmed.. ..Again
I am totally overwhelmed and out of control of my commitments and time in my life. Maybe thats why I’ve been so listless and down for the past 2 days. I simply cannot finish everything. I’ve spent a couple of minutes committing my time and tasks to the Lord, knowing he’ll take care of me.
I feel like I am less and and less in church even though I’m physically still there. I go for service.. then down to macs to study, spend the crazy non-existent lunch hour practising for another person’s wedding, maintaining things around church and well, eating with whatever time’s left. Spend 3 hours at FBI, I admit its very half heartedly I do it nowadays.
I just totally gave up singing today. I felt like I had to stop doing stuff and sit down to eat so I wouldn’t suddenly shout at somebody or smash something. When uncle Kwai Sang started nagging me about the projector and how it droppped again in the early morn I felt like taking it and smashing it on the floor in front of him and say like “LOL! projector got pwned baby!! wHOOOOOooooo!!!! now we don’t have to take care of it anymore!”. Of course, it sound exciting in the mind. Prob not so great in real life and more stupid when you sit around and think of it. Why, I might as well spend the $1000 buying myself a $400 22″ LCD and use the leftover $600 to get an ipod (got new ones.. wah lau.. temptation).
Its these little things that make me wonder, why am I so busy? What will come of it? Does it really matter? The past few days people have been doing what I usually do alone. I’m really glad in some sense. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one who is able to do all these things (eg. bring and setup the piano, do some maintenace on the computers, sing bass, manage website). I’m so sick of all that. I’m formally releasing my control to God. If everything screws up, its not my fault anymore. Speaking of website, I broke it real bad this time. I can’t be bothered to fix it up now, just trying a rollback to a lower version of wordpress - if it can’t work then forget it.
I want to complain! sigh.. (done: thanks bernice).
I shall go do some variations on the cantata flier that needs to be done by tomorrow and printed for sunday.