Its been a quiet week, been thinking about friends…
Its been a quiet week, been thinking about friendships and all. Such a sticky thing, yet such a joy, important to have. In essence, BGRs are just a subset of friendships. Yet it has so many special cases and boundaries. Okay, i’ve just been doing lotsa math so everything is sorta manifesting in me mind in a graphical kinda way.
Let me have a good friend count. The kind i don’t see for ages and talk as if we’ve not missed a day apart in our lives.
Guy friends - 3 - 2christians, 1 non-christian.
Gal friends - 5 - 4 christians, 1 non-christian.
Hmm. So much more than enough. I wonder how they all are doing? Been so super blessed by all of them. 2 of them are still burdens on my heart among others of course, but its just nice to know that somehow along my life they’ve stuck their hand in and changed it.
Well, there are less guys than girls but hey, guys are terrible at forming relationships between each other. Probably for the silly social mould that guys are standalone or big group creatures, simple, fun ppl. That said, it don’t apply to all of course. Some abnormalities actually do go about making and keeping meaningful friendships BEYOND the stupid interactions like studies, army, work, latest tech, babes and such. Somehow i feel its always girls that do change guys, or else they seek acceptance from the alpha male group kinda thing, even making themselves fools if it gets them into the crowd. When a guy likes to talks to girls, its either he’s being a player or he’s trying to escape from the stupid male thing he cannot integrate himself into. I liked to talk to gals cos its liberating being able to actually talk about things that matter or things that need a more mature look at. That was when i was younger in sec sch when my equals played soccer and catching and never really openly pondered the meaning of life stuff. In army, true friendship was hard to come by but came very surely. You change camps so much so that you don’t build friendships but most times in adversity and trouble, these are forged in an instant. When guys go army, most grow up and think about stuff that matters, more along the money aspect. The girls are still nice to communicate with but looking back i think it was more like an emotional need they fufilled. Okay.. this is not as wrong as it sounds. Most guys on going army, keep a few girl contacts because thats their outlet and emotional support. Of course its bad cos if they don’t mean to forge any lasting relationship, it really could get the girl’s insides all messed up with wrong signals. In there girls and guys friendship boundaries became more and more well defined.
My opinion is that guy\girl friendships cannot exist on an emotional level without a catastrohic disaster. Weakness on both side are sure to exist. Crossing of physical boundaries, third parties in relationships, hurt feelings, complete yi-dao-liang-duan kinda splits btw them, people leaving church. Those are just some of the things i’ve seen happen personally. What would constitute emotionally involved you say? Extended phonecalls, extensive problem-sharing, talking, teasing each other, sharing about problems in relationships especially. Those are just some symptoms.
Well, don’t scream murder yet, i’m not really done. I think friendships can exist, but the level of involvement is limited i’d say. I guess sometimes guys just behave like dumb guys because its an in-build feature to prevent wrong signals. Well, bible got say how to treat opposite gender.
1 Timothy 5
Treatment of Church Members
1 Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.
If a guy was a brother, you wouldn’t stumble him with your words, clothing, flirting. If a gal were your sister, you wouldn’t stumble her by getting too emotionally involved, teasing and leading her on without having any commitment to her officially.
Well, contention here about whether plutonic friends can exist is because of the definition of “friendship” Whats too close? what do you mean by problem sharing? what do you mean by emotionlally involved? Sorry dudes, you can’t even be honest with yourself on this one. open your life to someone else GODLY AND OF THE SAME GENDER! and let him slam you silly about the stupid things you are doing. Also let the holy spirit grant you sensitivity to your own actions and always ponder the implications of your behaviour!
Consequences are so sad but it happens. Refusal to believe the prior experience of many older people.
That brings me to: Guys mentoring guys (sorry, no idea how girls do it)
Guys mentoring guys are so seriously lacking but do they really need mentoring as the usual model of mentoring is? or is it more like showing a final product and expecting the mentee to find the way themselves? Do they need prodding to the point of harassment? don’t really know. Do they need rebuke? IMHO (in my honest opinion) Yes, cos its biblical. Do you need to control or let them develop theselves? Again IMHO, they are not imitating the mentor, they are imitating CHRIST! Its not just “follow me” its “follow me as i follow christ”
I can step back and look at my own life. Godly men who have really made an impact, only to realize for myself they are just mere men i was so awed by. They fell short in time. All of them. Not being cynical here, just saying the only available dependable source for a model mentor is God. Think in our council and our talking with others, its so important to seperate opinion from bible fact. When the bible is silent, we have to provide opinion based on what the rest of the bible says.
Its such a big thing. bible says
Proverbs 27
17 As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
It has its place, it has its time. No man is an island.
Okay.. i think i’ve spent too much time. Got a test on thursday, and friday, and saturday. Feel free to express your thoughts in the comments by clicking on the big ZERO! if not just use the tagboard.