ThisCowIsPurple.com

The man who observes his natural face in the mirror…

…and forgets what he looks like after.

Okay, i was over complaining… its not so bad la. Timing for meetings don’t change however, it just shifted to an hour earlier… Oh well, better than going so late right? So its now 9am on sat. so i have to wake at 7 and then take mrt at 730!
Just had youth meeting! Everyone’s downstairs playing captain’s ball and i’m up here converting the negative demonstration CD for choir! at least i was just now. Haha… Oh well. Helping cheryl do math… haha… i think i’ll make a good math tutor! haha

You know the feeling when you’ve got nothing to do and everything is very quiet and you need to sleep but don’t feel like sleeping even after quite an early and long day and even knowing that you have to get up early to do stuff still dowan to rest? Oh well. I’m contemplating the next week maybe. My conscious mind is a blank, surfing surfing and endless sea of info.. bits and bytes, text, pictures. I wonder what causes you to feel like this. Its not really depression, its just blank.

Saturday I have to meet up with siao on project group members!!! kns!! they really know how to choose bad day la! rahhh… now my sat 3 hours spent travelling, 2 hours meet up. I CAN’T DO SQUAT LIKE THIS! Foriegners who have no life and live on campus assuming everyone else has no life. no family, nothing better to do than to meet up on such a day. Sent out email to change day, but nobody will do it on a weekday night! RAH!! WHATS THE DIFF LA!~!~! YOU LIVE ON CAMPUS ANYWAY!! Poor me live in pasir ris and my friend who lives in serangoon have to accomodate.

crap..

Its been a quiet week, been thinking about friendships and all. Such a sticky thing, yet such a joy, important to have. In essence, BGRs are just a subset of friendships. Yet it has so many special cases and boundaries. Okay, i’ve just been doing lotsa math so everything is sorta manifesting in me mind in a graphical kinda way.

Let me have a good friend count. The kind i don’t see for ages and talk as if we’ve not missed a day apart in our lives.

Guy friends - 3 - 2christians, 1 non-christian.
Gal friends - 5 - 4 christians, 1 non-christian.

Hmm. So much more than enough. I wonder how they all are doing? Been so super blessed by all of them. 2 of them are still burdens on my heart among others of course, but its just nice to know that somehow along my life they’ve stuck their hand in and changed it.

Well, there are less guys than girls but hey, guys are terrible at forming relationships between each other. Probably for the silly social mould that guys are standalone or big group creatures, simple, fun ppl. That said, it don’t apply to all of course. Some abnormalities actually do go about making and keeping meaningful friendships BEYOND the stupid interactions like studies, army, work, latest tech, babes and such. Somehow i feel its always girls that do change guys, or else they seek acceptance from the alpha male group kinda thing, even making themselves fools if it gets them into the crowd. When a guy likes to talks to girls, its either he’s being a player or he’s trying to escape from the stupid male thing he cannot integrate himself into. I liked to talk to gals cos its liberating being able to actually talk about things that matter or things that need a more mature look at. That was when i was younger in sec sch when my equals played soccer and catching and never really openly pondered the meaning of life stuff. In army, true friendship was hard to come by but came very surely. You change camps so much so that you don’t build friendships but most times in adversity and trouble, these are forged in an instant. When guys go army, most grow up and think about stuff that matters, more along the money aspect. The girls are still nice to communicate with but looking back i think it was more like an emotional need they fufilled. Okay.. this is not as wrong as it sounds. Most guys on going army, keep a few girl contacts because thats their outlet and emotional support. Of course its bad cos if they don’t mean to forge any lasting relationship, it really could get the girl’s insides all messed up with wrong signals. In there girls and guys friendship boundaries became more and more well defined.

My opinion is that guy\girl friendships cannot exist on an emotional level without a catastrohic disaster. Weakness on both side are sure to exist. Crossing of physical boundaries, third parties in relationships, hurt feelings, complete yi-dao-liang-duan kinda splits btw them, people leaving church. Those are just some of the things i’ve seen happen personally. What would constitute emotionally involved you say? Extended phonecalls, extensive problem-sharing, talking, teasing each other, sharing about problems in relationships especially. Those are just some symptoms.

Well, don’t scream murder yet, i’m not really done. I think friendships can exist, but the level of involvement is limited i’d say. I guess sometimes guys just behave like dumb guys because its an in-build feature to prevent wrong signals. Well, bible got say how to treat opposite gender.

1 Timothy 5

Treatment of Church Members

1 Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.

If a guy was a brother, you wouldn’t stumble him with your words, clothing, flirting. If a gal were your sister, you wouldn’t stumble her by getting too emotionally involved, teasing and leading her on without having any commitment to her officially.

Well, contention here about whether plutonic friends can exist is because of the definition of “friendship” Whats too close? what do you mean by problem sharing? what do you mean by emotionlally involved? Sorry dudes, you can’t even be honest with yourself on this one. open your life to someone else GODLY AND OF THE SAME GENDER! and let him slam you silly about the stupid things you are doing. Also let the holy spirit grant you sensitivity to your own actions and always ponder the implications of your behaviour!

Consequences are so sad but it happens. Refusal to believe the prior experience of many older people.

That brings me to: Guys mentoring guys (sorry, no idea how girls do it)

Guys mentoring guys are so seriously lacking but do they really need mentoring as the usual model of mentoring is? or is it more like showing a final product and expecting the mentee to find the way themselves? Do they need prodding to the point of harassment? don’t really know. Do they need rebuke? IMHO (in my honest opinion) Yes, cos its biblical. Do you need to control or let them develop theselves? Again IMHO, they are not imitating the mentor, they are imitating CHRIST! Its not just “follow me” its “follow me as i follow christ”

I can step back and look at my own life. Godly men who have really made an impact, only to realize for myself they are just mere men i was so awed by. They fell short in time. All of them. Not being cynical here, just saying the only available dependable source for a model mentor is God. Think in our council and our talking with others, its so important to seperate opinion from bible fact. When the bible is silent, we have to provide opinion based on what the rest of the bible says.

Its such a big thing. bible says

Proverbs 27

17 As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

It has its place, it has its time. No man is an island.

Okay.. i think i’ve spent too much time. Got a test on thursday, and friday, and saturday. Feel free to express your thoughts in the comments by clicking on the big ZERO! if not just use the tagboard.

Hmp, i feel slightly acomplished at my half done programming tutorial! been feeling overwhelmed these days, so much so i feel like i cannot continue with the “extra” stuff in church. I think i’ll stick to sundays, youth meetings and prayer meetings… no more no less. Actually thats more or less it la.. haha.. anyway, Its really a struggle to keep up with work and i feel like i’m drowning everyday. I keep thinking i will do my quiet time later/tommorow morn/night. It sorta just doesn’t work out in the end. I think i’ve relegated it to 2nd last priority for 2 or 3 days now. I don’t have time to do anything OTHER than study and tutorials.

Here’s a list of my past recreation:

1) Anime (uh.. too many already..)
2) Stargate atlantis, Stargate SG1 (can you imagine i’ve watched this for 9 years??)
3) Building model kits (which has taken a backseat nowadays)

I think i’ll say goodbye to these for quite a while now.

On to other intriguing things I have noticed recently:

Since we accept Christ in our lives, thats a pretty permanent thing (john 3:16). So… what really goes on when someone wants to jump ship and abandon his faith? Haha.. you can come ask me what i think if you want to strike up a conversation. But how i’d sum it up is:

You’ll never get away

Like a shadow on a sunny day, your identity as a true christian can never be shaken off. Its depressing, hopeless and just totally sian to try to go back doing what you’ve been saved from. If you’re true to yourself, you will have to admit you need to turn back. Oh well.. If you think you’re alone and nobody thought whatever you thought before you thought it, then welcome to the club. Sign in like the many many before you. Friends, get back in fellowship, running away is a self-destructive cycle, a mechanism designed to loop and never allow you to come back.

Don’t you just love programming! Some simple code and the output.. sigh..

1 #include
2 #include
3
4 int main (void)
5 {
6 double c1actual=11.5, c1max=16, c1p=5, c1raw,
7 c2actual= 7.0, c2max=10, c2p=10, c2raw,
8 c3actual=19.0, c3max=25, c3p=20, c3raw,
9 c4actual=43.0, c4max=100, c4p=25, c4raw,
10 exactual=55.5, exmax=100, exp=40, exraw,
11 sum;
12
13 /*main calculating program************************/
14
15 c1raw = c1actual/c1max*c1p;
16 c2raw = c2actual/c2max*c2p;
17 c3raw = c3actual/c3max*c3p;
18 c4raw = c4actual/c4max*c4p;
19 exraw = exactual/exmax*exp;
20 sum = c1raw + c2raw + c3raw + c4raw + exraw;
21
22 /*Print Statements!!!****************/
23
24 printf(” Act : Max : Per : Raw \n”);
25 printf(”CA 1 : %3.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n”, c1actual, c1max, c1p, c1raw)
;
26 printf(”CA 2 : %4.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n”, c2actual, c2max, c2p, c2raw)
;
27 printf(”CA 3 : %3.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n”, c3actual, c3max, c3p, c3raw)
;
28 printf(”CA 4 : %3.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n”, c4actual, c4max, c4p, c4raw)
;
29 printf(”Exam : %3.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n\n”, exactual, exmax, exp, exra
w);
30
31 printf(”Nemo’s total raw mark is %4.2f. \n”, sum);
32
33 return 0;
34 }
35
36
~
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~
q6.c [+] 26,17 All
“q6.c” 36L, 1124C written
u0508802@sunfire [23:36:22] ~ $ gcc q6.c -Wall -lm -o q6
u0508802@sunfire [23:36:23] ~ $ q6
Act : Max : Per : Raw
CA 1 : 11.5 : 16 : 5 : 3.59
CA 2 : 7.0 : 10 : 10 : 7.00
CA 3 : 19.0 : 25 : 20 : 15.20
CA 4 : 43.0 : 100 : 25 : 10.75
Exam : 55.5 : 100 : 40 : 22.20

Nemo’s total raw mark is 58.74.
u0508802@sunfire [23:36:27] ~ $

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

I somehow have this horrible feeling that alot of you out there are absorbed in your own struggles and thoughts. Feeling depressed, lonely and fed up.

Well, nobody’s alone in all this.

I think for every sentence of angst that is published in a blog, much festering goes on in the mind.

To the young dudes and dudettes from BFC:

Fill your hearts and minds with the word of God, spirital songs and good company.