ThisCowIsPurple.com

Being a youthie com member would mean…

1) Being available to the youths

2) Recognizing that the frontline in this ministry is not when you get in personal contact with them but is how much you pray for their spiritual conditions and how much work you do in the so-called “background”

3) Being an example (haha…) to the younger guys and engaging them in sparring.

Thats about it. More like for josh but just found the time to post here only.

heh.. had a super fun day that ended quite quietly… EJ, DT, JT, CC, CC, CC, YX, SW. hmm… haha… hope still got many more to come. feel abit old in this crowd but its nice…

Okay la… i’m tired to death… shall go rest soon!

Guess who’s lagging… ahahha

And the silly outing sometime last week

Ignorance is bliss.

Stupid me for out of niceness (or frankness) telling someone my zheng xing hua. I think some ppl would really be better off living in their own small world of ignorance, being unable to accept things as they really are. To recognize facts without feeling and emotion. fool Fool FOOL of a person i am.

Onward to lighter things! I’m sorta going back to camp for… uh.. a day? then coming back out for CNY. Benji is going to be out on tuesday afternoon… Was so seriously vexed today, took a nice walk home with an ice-cream and all was suddenly well again. Heh… I’m so glad for siblings, parents, relatives, childhood friends. In the end they are the ones you can really fall back on. They just HAVE to take you in… no matter how messed up you are. I love my parents very much. dunno how else to say. breakfast, sending me here and there… soup… liang teh… aiyah… i dunno what i’ll do without them. I cannot stay around forever… so i must learn to leave in a manner they will be proud of. Hmmm… been experiencing peace with the people i really have been missin out on for quite a long time. Truely, youth is wasted on the young. And as i take a picture with the so called older folk… Its kind of sad i never did anything better with my youth. I spent it in a labrynth of my own logic, intangible wants and personal goals. Its been a rough 2 years behind me. I’m all the better because of it… yet… with a tinge of regret i look back. How many sufferings could have been avoided. If I had only listened to those around me. I did… really, i did listen, but only after i learned the lessons myself. Learning the meaning and difference between KNOWING and DOING was the greatest moment of my life. I woke one morning… just realising how God had slowly crept up on me “KWAN… YOU SIAM ME SO MANY YEARS! BUT I HAVE STILL CAUGHT UP WITH YOU…” and changed me inside out. The amazement and thankfulness overflows from my heart and there are no words to describe it. No way to tell it to others. No way to teach others. No way to warn others. Like a faithful friend who has been working in the background… my God has slowly taken my life which was derailed many years back and put them on the railroad again, onwards to his blessing, his suffering and his labour. I have nothing to give, nothing to offer. But yet he blesses and forgives and accepts what filthy things i offer up. Tainted offerings we have but God still continues to give and give. An ungrateful spirit is not within me, at least at this point in time. I only wish for him to take what he will… if only it will please him. Take my life, my talent, the people around me, the material blessings… my loved ones… sigh… if only it were enough. Sometimes i really feel when paul said to be absent from the body and to be present with the LORD is such a good thing. I really have no doubts that he was not being dramatic or crazy… he had eyes that could see the worthlessness of living life here. Yet… being unable to return to my LORD’s presence… i have no other choice but to labour and to work for him. For he HAS done the same for me. My last chance to put worth into my army life is here… and though some do recognize the difference…. it is simply not enough. The horror of the night before my enlistment draws near to my heart again as my ORD comes. The feeling is so much the same, its like… the last days of your life. I’VE DONE NOTHING AT ALL!!! sigh… its like the last day you have to live… after that… i die to my NS life… and am reborn in a new place called NUS.

Monday, September 01, 2003

I’m done here. No looking back, no regrets. PuRpLe CoW at 2:4

6 PM

I hope i’ll be able to say the same after i’m done with NS.

okay, have been abit sick for the past month or so but think dowan to wait around to get better, after 3 days of range i was prob too tired to recover. Went to see doctor in the evening then took 3 days MC. Oh well.. i really need the rest now.wah.. so late. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz