ThisCowIsPurple.com

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…. feel so comforted.wEIrd. i mean… in fact… things are not positive or negative. and i seem to get a piece of the puzzle from different people. Thank God for all Though. Hmmm… This is just weird for you who are reading this but… I WILL NOT SPEW VULGARITIES FROM THIS MOUTH ANYMORE!

hahahhahaa……

and… although i say it with candidness, i truely mean it with all my heart and may God hold me accountable for what i have written here. ya… going to sleep now.

Off with the old, on with the new…

“1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:1-2

okay that sums it up for today. Think when lenses are focused they see the correct thing.

Afternoon - woke at 1230, nua at home… dunno do what. waited till 1600then went out with shuyi and bernice to market @85. We got soooooo much to say.. talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk. Yeah, that sums up my day. pretty dull if you look at it that way, but very good for me. Bumped into my sec4 form teacher also then the 4 of us talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk. Then she brought her champ dog all the way back from NZ for $2500 - a place in cargo. 2x more ex than a human seat which was $1300. it was really guai… it’ll listen to you loh… she told it to stay, then left for far away to buy a bowl of dessert… and the fella just sit there. okay… then after that she left… shuyi also to go BBQ for girls brigade. Then left me and bern. And then we talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talktalk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk. okay… its about that much in proportion. Really think this is the first time i’ve talked to her about so many things. including spiritual things which we 3 used to do in sec sch. Think they kept me so on track. Must really thank God. Bern is leaving on 27th to UCLA? ahhaa… so lucky. Anyway, if you’re reading this… tag okay! yeah.. then came home to my reality. going to wash up and sleep soon. Happy Holidays!

Decided that i’d not write too much about what i realise and learn cos.. in the end, its not much pt. I’ll just put the werse and leave you all with that whether you understand or not. When i think harder, i realise that alot of people have said, mentioned, shared about some of the things i’ve been so excited about that i’ve realised the MOST important thing in all this is a personal realisation and learning of truths. When Pastor preaches, he hands down things he has already digested into thought and words so that its like “bread dipped in milk” (as what an evangelist we all know liked to say) which is easier for newer believers to consume.

Haha… but think of this. Getting second hand truths is like you getting married to the most wonderful person in the universe… After you’ve told her you love her, want to spend you life in close fellowship and given her access to every part of your life and then after you get together you find communicating her a bother, relying on her best friends to pass down messages, telling you the “i-love-you”s, “When are you coming back”, “i miss you” and “i’ll never give up on you” because you’ve switched off your phone and refusing to listen to her calls.

“Your wife tells you she loves you” coming from her friend is so different from hearing a “I love you” from her directly. Its really alot like reading the bible and praying. The love of God is comunicated to you through pastor, the promises are conveyed through pastor.. its stupid if you dun already see. Oh well.. thats my piece for today… haha… And if you don’t see the value of this, all the more i’ve made my point!

1 john 1:6

6If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.

I’ve been steady without sleep for 2 days already. Knowing that feelings and decisions are as seperate as oil and water. Somehow the more you look at man the less and less confidence you have. Hmmm.. the bible has been getting abit less dry now. i used to think (and still do) that it is dry. But only because i was not reading it to know God, i was only reading it as an action that was encouraged and given a thumbs up. Its actually more frustrating than not reading at all i think. So dumb. I still feeling abit stone la… but it hasn’t eroded my resolve to serve and do right. It was a nice talk with shuyi when she pointed out that things are going so nicely, it would be a pity if i ever fell into pride. Thinking i’ve reached or just happy that i’m on my way is such a stupid thing. A low pressure day in camp can afford so many slips of the tongue already. How man, howe? when my intake comes it’ll be disaterous if i do not get this into hand quickly.

*BLAH! stupid SDO wanna clear arms now… got to run…*

hahaha… lets do it together then.

Haha, everytime i say its been a long time since the last, it really becomes another long time since the last. well, this time i’ll give a good update and typing here. Let me check out when was the last time i was here and left off…

okay, firstly so many things have happened in the last month that i can’t really remember anymore.

going backwards…

1) My recruits passed out of bmtc today, think i’m not as happy as i shld be. Was imagining myself crazily happy but somehow am not. maybe thats why i’m abit sian now

2) children’s camp has passed, just feel somethings wierd about it but its not the first time. was there for a day… had good talks with ppl. had my own breakthroughs. not about to stop anytime soon la…

3) had a nice outing and tasted mudpie once again… sorta miss my older days and the pals i crazily went out with. watched a fasion show happening just below at the same time. Hmmm… got this warm feeling that i felt there again.

i can remember any furthur back! blah… anyway, i live in the present now. looking at each day pass and how lives change in an instant. how in a short time ppl can turn around from desperately drained tired and lost to slowly wanting to get back on track. ahhh… i think i’m getting to know what it means by

Psalm 37

4Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

i see it everyday! and the more i see it… i feel that the more we resist following how God wants us to live our lives we end up so horribly tortured and miserable. The more i look at how i’m supposedly placed in this so called horrible warrant officer run company, the more i thank God cos he’s placed me where the sun rises late and where people learn to shine. It was just complaining i used to do until i recently became either resigned, contented or mature. Not really sure which one it is but… all are good in a certain sense. I’ve learned so much as far as being a social being is concerned, how to work and accept tasks that are supposedly not our level. All of them turn out to be so trivial and uninteresting. I still have a long way to go but its a jouney i want to continue on, following and seeing how obedience can bring happiness to a person. It really defies normal logic. To do something you do not want to, and be happy about it in the end. ahaha… oh such is the high level of stupidity in humans to want our way. And to think i’ve spent so many years doing that. I was warned not to be happy or take circumstances as a reflection of whether i was walking my life right.. cos when circumstances change, my confidence would be shaken. also… sometimes a too smooth sailing life is an indication that your life is so unproductive that the devil doesn’t bother to shake you up. oh well… just some thought.

you know, now i feel like my past sins will not let me go. And its still hounding me until now.. maybe i’ll be the loser next and then it’ll be my turn to feel like shit. Man.. so many things going through my head now that its really stirred up good. Mostly vulgarities because i cannot find anything to express what i’m really thinking, just what i’m feeling. After all, feelings are something you remmember for a longer time.

A soft answer turns away wrath right? i learned when someone just kept doing it to me. How else to learn that than to be a victim of it and feel your anger just die away because someone you blasted it at refused to fan it back at you? sigh.. i got so much more to go. aaaaaaaaaaaa…. feel so frustrated at what was said man. I think i’m either misunderstood, the target of unhappiness, or just someone at the wrong place at the wrong time saying the wrong things. i doubt its the latter, but maybe for this case yes. i need to wake up at 530 but i’m not sleeping yet… just so disturbing to be treated lidat.