Its been so long. Even longer when i think about i…
Its been so long. Even longer when i think about it. But anyhow i’m back! Think this place rotting already. Sinking deeper and deeper into the mud i am but i’m sorta out of it. Been soooooooooooooooo super disgustingly busy for 3 weeks after field camp that i have only drawn out $50 of my pay this month. thats… ridiculous! but nvm… quite save money like that. I’m always stuck in camp until i got no feeling already.. like a dog stuck in the cage always wanna get out is what i feel. This batch gonna be even more tiring than the last!but after that… can smell… ORD!!!!!!!! hahaha…
Its been a long ride this whole 10 weeks, and i just realise what its like to give your heart to the devil. You feel aimless, numb and begin to entertain the supernatural. It seeps in slowly and then before you know it, you’re just filled with evilness in every way. Every single day is just a journey from 0530 to 2230. Your body is always inhabited by the holy spirit but you can always give space to demons. If you’re not filled with the holy spirit, you are filled with evil. Sounds scary but people do it all the time. The heart is deceitful and lies all the time. The more you think you can handle it the worse it gets. Being holy is not a “try”, its no action on your part.
The corridor between good and evil is an extremely painful place to be. The worst place a christian can spend his life in. its like… wanna do crazy stuff but your mind feels guilty. Wanna do good but no motivation. Listening to ppl is most irritating. oh well… also dunno how to describe my time in the last 2 months. its just a blur that din really happen. Are you reading this? ahaha… getting pretty long but its to make up for my lost time.
And finaly, its my BIRTHDAY in 2 days. Listen to this and tell me how terrible it is: I’m too old to get a card from the youth. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! its horrifying! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. i’m so sad. Think my age group grew up without friends, at least i dun have any now. ahhaa… so stupid. Not like i want any, I need some. Strange to note alot of the friends i’m closest to are from my JC and my sec sch. Why shld they be when i’m going to spend eternity with these church ppl? oh well.. here’s a list that they shld feel honoured to be on. In no order of merit: Jasmine, Ying Chiang, Shuyi, Bernice, Victor, Jian Xiang, William, Desmond. Oh well… dunnoe how alot of them are doing. Too long off the radar already… need to get them soon! But… how impossible is that.