Home again. This time spent my day waiting around,…
Home again. This time spent my day waiting around, booked out at 12, went down to orchard to be with Ying Chiang at 1 since she waiting for her dinner date at 7, also to get tickets for my bslc buddy’s commissioning parade which he only came down at 420. so at 4 i left yc in the care of nu and went orchard to meet up with my bro. took like… 45 mins before he came. I wait until so fan, can die ah.. went eat dinner w chloe and her parents + bro + dency then reach home at 9 plus. So late… hmmm… been thinking lotsa weid stuff these few days. Haha… some ppl would know. But the stuff i tell ppl still not the pinnacle of my weird yet, sometimes just ask myself ridiculous and useless questions for my own curiousity’s sake. I think i spend too much time in my own world until the thoughts are so far down the road ppl think i’m just talking rots. “he’s at pt B already, but you dunnoe where pt A is yet loh” was wad someone said when someone else din get wad i said. Because of this i think i’m having trouble talking to ppl, cos they really cannot arrive at where i’m thinking even. Bad habit… and its encouraged by the few who actually can understand where i’m going and have been in my conversations. Others… well, they just treat you like some kinda weirdo and aren’t so kind in their words when they intentionally misinteprete you and make fun of you. I hate that… commonly comes from stupid ppl loh. I also noticed that no matter how individualistic you are, your human self constantly seeks for companionship and acceptance. Lacking it would seriously impair you emotionally and workwise. Stilll have Dr Binney’s msg notes in my phone about feeling accepted, comes from being filled w the spirit.. well, if you dun really see the link, its understandable cos at a glance they seem to have as much in common as a piano and a sliding door. Will leave you wondering about it..
Sigh… so many puzzling things floating about. I think i’m reaching limit, but no… tell myself never to break.
“Everybody is searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be So I learned to depend on me
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity”
Sigh… theres so much on my mind i cannot tel anyone! like… gonna stretch until it break already. So many unanswered questions i’d like to know the answers to before its time. Like plucking a fruit before its ripe, no use no good. THere are so many things i wish i knew, to know all i wanted to know, to hear thoughts, to see feelings and to feel intentions out. Too bad for me i’m just a man.. I have to obey the rules of time, physics and logical reasoning, get hurt, experience feelings, happy sad or what not.. i’d just like to break free for just a moment, to know to see and let my heart be invincible to all truth. Cos i think if i knew everything, my mind would not be able to take it. ahaha… all impossible.
“Cos i’m the kinf of wishful thinking…”
Okay, back to reality. I’m going to khatib camp for 3 days then can stay out everyday… forward observer training. Observation… call for fire… blah blah…
ouch, eyes ae mighty tired. GEtting up for breakfast at 9 with yc… dun think she’ll wanna come to church cos she’kll be too tired from all that partying. ta