Today i found out who i’ll be spending my entire r…
Today i found out who i’ll be spending my entire reservist with already! haha… 13 long years with the same crappy guys. The mortar is obscenely heavy, even on wheels! Sigh… i think we’re gonna have a tough time. Heard of the exercise to push/pull it 8k… ridiculous. Well, at least theres only a 3 day exercise thats all! Other than that, the whole course is spent on lectures and mortar drills. Got 20 over ah! Siao liao… But we keep getting congradulated on getting this… really loh! Everyone is like… “congrats gentlemen, you manage to get this vocation…blahblah.. cos its vehicle bound.” hahaha… so i guess its really a blessing. Sigh.. although the day was spent waiting and waiting and waiting around, i guess its worth it. Not complaining.
Well, ended today with dinner at airport. Don’t see the big fuss over anything, sigh… i just hate this. I mean, i know i’ve been spending the whole week out… or not with my family. But can’t i have a break? just do what i want? Its not as if all the time i do this… must have spent more than a hundred on food this and last week. All the canteen breaks, dinners… blah. I cannot be bothered so don’t bother me. I think i’m being inherently unstable these few days, but i know i’m fine. I just dun feel fine, somethings wrong again. I dun like this feeling inside, like somethign bad’s gonna happen. Somehow i just feel very strongly i need all my friends’s support, and just not stick aorund at home. ARGH! the frustration is not as high as the last time… but yeah, can feel it in my chest. I wish i could revert to my ‘island’ state, but the strength is not there anymore. I need to disappear! be gone. But thats not up to me, i’ll just have to live on.
Other than all that, THe want is gone. I feel like i’ve been reformed… but i feel worse than before. This is wrong. Somethign is wrong, i just dunno what it is.
“In the morning joy shall come..”
lets hope morning comes soon.